Growing Up

The day has reached its hottest point. It is 12:34pm. VBS has finished for the final day and lunch has been eaten. In 25 minutes I will have to be ready to work again. If you haven't seen a pattern for the past 2 days I have been waking up, eating breakfast, going to VBS, lunch then going to work till 4 or 5. The past 2 days I have worked in the work shed sorting wood piles. I have to do this again.
A cool thing happened to me yesterday which you people can take out of it what you will. I was taking nails out of the sorted lumber with a hammer. I got to a point with this one piece of wood where every nail just would not come out. I had been doing the technique Santie (YWAM director) had showed me, the nail on the board was close to the table I had set it on, I was holding the hammer by the handle, I was doing medium hard hits, and I was holding down the rest of the board with my free hand. For a while the technique was working. But then like I said I got to one board. I yelled out to Santie in frustration telling him to do it for me. Every nail was just bending over under the force of the hammer, none were budging in the right direction. So Santie comes over and just prays in Jesus's name. Then he hit the nails straight and right out after like 2 hits. He continued to do this for all the nails. I was amazed. I was a little freaked out I will admit. Alex was too, she was holding the board for him. Well once he had walked away, I went after a new board. Same problem, so I decided to try it. I prayed in my head. Unfortunately, it did not work. So I called Santie back over, and he did it again. He told me all I need to do is pray and God will do it. It was a simple test of faith, so small. Right after this another nail gave me a problem, but I just couldn't pray out loud. I was too afraid to do it. So I just left the board there and did another one. It was a little saddening to realize how small my faith in God is. I believe he can do spiritual works, but when it comes to just simple physical miracles, I prefer to do things on my own. I could not admit to God aloud that I was unable to do it, I could not pray. Phil, Santie's son did the exact same thing with his difficult nails, and then he told me to do it. But I wouldn't. I just laughed it off. I couldn't pray aloud. I had tried once in my head, and I didn't want to make a fool of myself and try again. To be honest, I know it would have been good for me to see that I can do it too. Well Phil just kept on encouraging me, although when he prayed he did it in his head. Which made me think, why can't I do it? But I realize that it is because Phil has faith. I admit it full well, I have such a small faith in the miraculous. I still have the dogma of cynicism in my veins. I am still working out my own disbelief and fear of being “too religious”. I will probably doing the nails again today, maybe I will have the faith to do it now. Maybe...
On a less serious note, during VBS I had 2 girls come up to me. They were older, probably ages 8-10. The asked me my name, and then once I told them, they said to me, “Hannah, your really tall.” I laughed pretty hard. Darn my smele genes. Jokes. Nah I love being a smele. Anyways, just to build me up a little more, one said that I am really pretty too. Lol.
Another little thing that happened to me today was after VBS. Nathaniel (another student on the trip) came up to me and he said that I worked really well with the kids. He said that he saw them all smiling with me. And he loved my train thinger. He asked me if I have even been a camp counselor and even told me that maybe I should work at Circle Square Ranch (where Liesl and him work). I still have no idea where God is calling me, but if Mr.K is right about this whole camp counselor vision or whatever, then Nathaniel is just a little hint in the right direction. Who knows? I really don't. I just want to come out of this trip knowing where I am to go, and connected to God.