Phillipians 2:1-4

Today I was taught the lesson of humility. I was given an opportunity to examine myself, my life and to see where I am at. The day began with everyone getting together for a meeting with Kathy. She began by saying that she has heard many reports of complaining and attitude among us teens and it has got to stop. Yesterday, we spent the day working and preparing for the VBS we are going to run next week. Everyone was assigned tasks with leaders above them. Some girls had to dig a trench for a septic tank, some had to rake, some had to put up posters and so on. But when Kathy returned she got so many reports from the leaders of us mouthing off, telling them that they can't tell us what to do, and refusing to work that she the next day (today) had to say something. She told us that we are not to act this way, that we volunteered to be here. She told us that the leaders put above us were prayerfully considered and that we must obey them. She told us that she will not remind us again and that the next report she gets of someone complaining, that person will be scrubbing. She says we are going to work our mouths off. She even said that if we keep on complaining, and causing her to punish us, then that person will be not allowed to live at a placement, and their next placement will be working on the base. Although she did say that she loves us too much to have us continue this way. She said that she refuses to send any of us home and that she prays for us everyday. Well after her speech, she dismissed everyone to their tasks, and pulled me aside. She told me that Evany (my leader from yesterday) had reported to her that I had not been listening to her at all, that I didn't do what was asked from me and I was just really disrespectful. I did not freak out, I did not get mad, I knew that Kathy was going to talk to me, for yesterday, I did ignore Evany's leadership. I did what I wanted to do and ignored the rest. I allowed for Stan to do all the rake-ing while I made name tags. I continually walked off and did my own thing. In some things there was a misunderstanding such as my leaving to go to the bathroom, she took as me leaving with Rachelle to go get eggs, which she specifically told me that only one person should go. Anyways, the point was, she was right. I was told to go to Evany and apologize for not listening. Surprisingly, it was super easy. She did not rub anything in, she just smiled and said its alright, and then we hugged. It was awesome. Remember the punishment for mouthing off and not listening? Yep, that's what came next. I was given a bucket, bleach, detergent soap, scrub brush, and gloves. Kathy took me over to the office concrete porch and I was told to scrub it. It was odd, the way Kathy came to me, the way she talked to me, I didn't care, I just started, no arguing. I understand why she was making me do this. Growing up in Canada with all my blessings, I have never seen a day of hard work. Today, I had physical labour. The lesson of obedience is a good one to learn. While I was scrubbing I couldn't turn my mind off, all I could think of was the goodness of this lesson. I needed to learn to control my tongue. You know all those passages about the tongue being an open grave, etc. When I am an adult, I cannot be mouthing off to my boss. When I am an adult, there will be things I have to do, and I won't want to do them, but it will be easier if I learn the servants heart now. Even in my daily life now, I hear so many hurtful things come out of people's mouths. The amount of talking behind people's backs here is ridiculous. It makes me sick when I hear some of the things people say. It is so immature. They refuse to see the person's point. So many times I hear people mouthing off behind a leader's back because of what they asked them to do. They refuse to think of why they are asking that, refuse to think of where that person might be coming from. And it makes me sick. I want to control my own tongue. I don't want to talk behind people's backs. I don't want to be a brat. I want to be thankful for what I have. I want to enjoy the simple things in life. A lesson I learned today was that if I want to be a leader, I have to learn to follow first. I have to learn to be obedient. It is in our nature as human beings to want to rebel, to disobey. But when I go against my flesh, when I have a servant's heart, when I am humble, then I become godly. I guess you could call this step 4 of my walk with God. I learned first that I have to go back to basics with God, that he forgave me, and that he has met me where I am at. Then I learned that I cannot be ashamed of God any longer. Then I learned that I need to spend more time connecting with God, I need to read the word, and pray. To seek him in all that I do, to have his advice every day. Then today, I learned that I need to be obedient: follow, to lead. One might look at it as a sculpture, and God has the chisel. Another piece taken off. Another lesson learned. It wasn't even that hard really. I have to admit that by the end I was enjoying my work, because I was enjoying the satisfaction of seeing the white pavement shine through. The bleach really cleaned well. I need to work hard if I am to be clean, shiny and new before the Lord. It is such an amazing lesson to learn. It is so necessary in this world, this generation, we need to learn that it is not all about me. I need to learn to be glad in my work, to quit complaining, and enjoy the satisfaction of what I get out of it. It doesn't even have to be spiritual. It is just maturing. Becoming a mature adult. Mr. K said that we are already adults, but I think that I have a lot to learn still. Kathy was so impressed by me. She just gave me a big hug, thanked me for the great attitude, told me she loved me, and sent me off early to go shower. LOL. I am really grateful to Kathy. I could have continued, really she couldn't believe how hard I was working, I was actually enjoying it. I just remembered another thing that was going through my head while I worked: I am working for God, not man. That is somewhere in the bible. That I should take joy in my work, because I am not working for men, I am working for the Lord, and he sees me, and he is impressed. Well once again I didn't know where to start for devotions. So once I got myself into my room, I opened my bible to pages of old notes. Santie (YWAM director) told us a while ago that it is good to go over our notes. So I decided to do so. The second devotion I read was Philippians 2:1-4. I just think it perfectly fits with what I did today. It is all about imitating Christ's humility. If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others. I especially love the beginning sentence. Something about it is amazing. I just can read it over and over. It's beautiful. I have all these things from the Lord. ...Then make my joy complete.... by being like-minded... having the same love... being one in spirit and purpose. That is what I want. I want my joy to be complete. I want to have the same love. I want to be one in spirit and purpose with God. I pray Lord that you would join with me, one in spirit and purpose. Make my desires, your desires. Help me to love as you do, and to make my joy complete. Thank you for your encouragement, comfort, tenderness and compassion. Amen

Heavenly Hammocks

I am swinging here, and a thought comes to me. I am swinging here in the middle of a Belizean jungle, I am in Belize. I never believed something like this would happen to me. I am amazed that I have been given a moment such as this. Picture this: I am swinging in a hammock, a 5 minute walk away from my house on the base, no one is around, I am alone, listening to the sounds of the jungle and my worship cd. The sun is going down, but is still high enough to blind my eyes and heat my skin. I am reflecting, just soaking up the sun. I cannot believe I have this opportunity to just sit, to relax in the jungle, while everyone else in the world is leading pretty standard lives. I am completely at peace except for I am a little freaked out by the jungle noises. And to clear things up, I am still on the YWAM base, the jungle surrounds the base, I am not sitting somewhere in the jungle. Ahem, just a clarification. There is a verse that one of the worship leaders read in church yesterday. I read it, and have been trying my best to reflect on it. Psalm 73:21-28. I am not going to type it all out, but these are the parts that I really like. When my heart was grieved, when my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant... Yet I am always with you; you hold me by your right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory... And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever... But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell all of your deeds. I love that I can count on God to counsel me. That everyday I can turn to him, and receive guidance for the day, anytime, anything, God is going to help me. I love the way they put it – will take me into glory. It sounds so amazing doesn't it? I am relaxing in this hammock thinking that its close to heaven on earth and yet, then theres that thought. He will take me into glory. It sounds amazing. I wonder if there are hammocks in heaven, probably, they are quite nice. I am not gonna lie. I love the line – the earth has nothing I desire besides you. I really want to get to the place where I am just so in love with God, that I wake up ready to just talk with Him, to receive what he has for me that day, to get that portion of love. I want God to be my portion forever. I want to desire him alone. I love the way the writer puts it, so casual and yet so powerful, as for me, it is good to be near God. It seems to me that they are saying really, I don't care what works for you, this is good for me. I want this, I need this. This is what I want, I want to be near God, and to not care whether or not people follow me, just to make the statement as for me, I want to be near God. After all that the Lord has given me, he is still my refuge. Even though I turn to him and receive that counsel, sometimes there are rocks too big for me to budge, situations to overwhelming for me to handle, and when that day comes, I can just simply hide under his wing, he will defend me against all things, I just need to run to him. Finally it says, I will tell all of your deeds. I love it. It's amazing. It is like once I have received all these things from God my response will be to tell others. No longer caring about whether or not people agree or understand, no longer caring about people's opinions of me, just going out and blessing God by telling the world what he has done. And maybe someone else will be strengthened, maybe someone else will be encouraged because when their heart was grieved, when their spirit was embittered, when they were ignorant, God was and still is with them. And if they know this, they can take comfort in his counsel, they can begin to take refuge in him, to enjoy being near, and one day, maybe they too will be taken into glory, just like me. I praise God, for the sun has set on my devotional time, but I have been blessed. I pray that all who read this will be blessed as well. Peace.

God is Amazing

There is a God who loves me... who wraps me in his arms... and that is the place where I am changed... and that's where I belong. Take me to that place Lord.. to that secret place where.. I can be with you... you can make me like you.. wrap me in your arms.. wrap me in your arms.. wrap me in your arms..

I have returned from church, returned from another church, not the same one I went to last sunday. I came back from that church doubting the message I had received from God during worship and exhausted by the length of the sermon. It was a member of the church preaching because the pastor was sick. The words he spoke were good, but he was extremely repetitive, and talked for an hour and a half. The main message he got across was that we have to sharpen our ax. We need to be connected with the father daily for ourselves and others. We need to be connected through our word which is a double edged sword. When we go to God first in the morning, we receive the wisdom we need for that day, and we receive the joy that comes with being connected to God. When we are connected to God we will be able to go into our daily lives and face that which the supernatural world has sent against us. We will have the words God needs us to speak to whomever. He talked about many things. He talked about how Paul said that he did not fall off the path, he stayed connected. He talked about how Jesus, did his greatest works after he had gone to be with God alone, and connected with him. I need to take the time to grow my relationship with God. Anyways, this relates to the introduction because God is good. I came out of that church so ready to leave, I wanted to get out, and go home. I got home and I didn't want to journal, I didn't want to take the good out of this night, I was a little sick of church. But God wouldn't let that sit with me for very long. Few minutes after I had returned, Mr. K enters the home, he had stayed a little later after the service. He sits me down and says to me that I am Mary from the bible, the one who poured oil on Jesus's feet and washed them with her hair. I could not ignore these words and I was taken back to tonight, that time in worship where I really connected with God, I got to a new place. This really struck me because in my time of worship I had a very brief moment where I was on my knees, fully bent over into my hands, and I could feel my hair in my hands. At this moment I said to God that I am Mary, I am praising Him, and washing his feet with my hair. It was a moment of extreme humbleness. God is amazing. He would not let me forget the moments I had had in worship. He used Mr. K to bring me back and that is why I am journaling now. Mr. K said that Mary, when he said that, represented a willingness to worship God, to just praise him with everything I had type of thing. I can't really explain how right on that was for me, but I will try. Even before church began, I sat in my seat and saw that Beth and Stan were reading their bibles. I figured this is a good idea and I open my bible to the passage where Jacob is wrestling an angel. In this passage Jacob encounters God, and his life is changed forever. This became my prayer. I prayed that God would give to me all that he had for me tonight. That I would have an encounter with him and be changed forever. I went into worship ready to receive, ready to just meet God. I want to begin with the basics, that is a thing I took from last sunday. It is kinda like introductions. I want to begin with getting to know God, and getting to know myself in him (like what the bible says about me being precious to him, had a plan for me before I was born, etc). Tonight was another baby step in the direction that I want to go. I want to be in some type of ministry, I want to follow God and do whatever his plan is for my life. The issue that God put his finger on tonight was the fact that I am ashamed of Him, which is very basic, like I said, introductions, the beginnings of following him. How can I tell people about God, if I am ashamed of him? Duh, this does not work. This is a very real thing for me. I know that I am not unique when I say that I love God on the inside, but have trouble expressing it on the outside, or anywhere people can see it. I have always had issues with showing my faith around family members. I have always been afraid to speak my opinion only to have 15 heads turn around and laugh at me, or whatever. It is not even directly that they hurt me. It is the jokes that they make. Do not get me wrong, I love my family so much, but the jokes said about Christianity can really hurt sometimes. I realize many of them have been hurt in the past by our church, but the healing needs to begin. It is not even jokes either, its just opinions as well. Many cannot forgive the things the church has done in the past. Many feel that everyone are hypocrites, saying to love their neighbour, yet hate homosexuals. I love that my family is pro many things: the environment, human rights, animal rights, and so on. I love that some of my family members have found God in some way or another, and that faith is a part of their lives. It is just the ones who are completely anti-faith that really sadden me. I believe the bitter ones are those that need the most love and healing with their relationship with God. I know those that say all those things will one day break over everything that they have ever said or done against God. I remember when that happened to me. I have also been ashamed of God in my friendships. I want to be more real with my friends, I am always the joker, the funny one, and I love that role, but I have deep convictions that have come up, but I believe I could share more often. I have even been ashamed of God in my school, during assemblies. We do like 3 worship songs and I wouldn't even close my eyes, let alone raise my hands. I have even been ashamed of God here, at YWAM, surrounded by people who I think are here to get closer to God. We are all at different stages in our walk, but I shouldn't be afraid to be myself. I have my roommate who hates worship music, and I would be afraid to turn it on, or would turn it down once she entered the room. For the past 2 nights I have wanted to do a devotions are night, but my roommates would come in and play a comedian clip from their laptop, and I wouldn't ask them to turn it off for a few more minutes. I would try to read for a few minutes, give up, and put it down. This is the issue God has shown to me. All the songs we sung in worship hit the issue in one way or another. The song that began it all went: “I am not ashamed, I will lift my voice, I am not ashamed.” Another song was wrap me in your arms Lord, my new favourite worship song. The lyrics are at the beginning of this journal entry. My prayer became, wrap my in your arms Lord, so that I may be changed, help me not to be ashamed of you, and give me a voice.

Porch Update

I am sitting here on the porch, my feet are up, and I am listening to some tunes. The sun is heating me up quickly, will probably swim again later. For those who do not know, right when we got here someone suggested we buy a pool since swimming in the river pretty much isn't an option at all because they still need to clear away jungle. Anyways so we all pitched in some money and bought an above ground pool. After the three months we are going to donate it to YWAM, so it will do some good here. Well like I said, I am heating up, so I might take a dip later. Today has been pretty interesting so far. It is only 4:41pm and yet I am already doing a journal. The day began with my trying to sleep in and failing miserably. I went back to sleep many times and yet I still got up at 9ish. My breakfast was delicious, bacon, eggs, cheese and toast. I made it into a sandwich, twas delicious. Following that I finished all my logs for Mr. K and Mr. Demoor and I handed in all my assignments to Mr. K. I now have a 98 in this co-op. Muahah. Compared to everyone else who are having 40-60s because they haven't handed anything in yet. But it was really easy so I can't brag, all I did was finish all my assignments which consisted of 3 blogs, a resume (which I already had done), the slide shows from Arden and my short term placement logs. Today I have also eaten a yummy lunch of hotdogs, hamburgers, and the oh so healthy cheezies. Mmm. Following that I chilled out with Elena and Liesl, talking, listening to music, and playing all those fun card games on my laptop. Then I swam in the pool for about 15 mins, sat in the sun for another 15, and went back inside to Elena/Liesl. We watched a walk to remember which is a decent movie except for the fact that the way they represent christians makes me want to barf. The main character is absolutely perfect, she was even sitting on the bus with her bible on her lap (very realistic). The reverend is represented well as the hell fire preacher who is hard on the rules and has little compassion. Parts of this movie make me want to barf, and yet parts are pretty cool. I liked the part at the end when they are getting married and they read the passage about love. Love is patient, love is kind, it is not boastful... etc. I think that would be pretty nice for my wedding (not that I am thinking about that yet). Anyways, I am sitting on the porch, and I have just been informed by Lauren that everyone is going to the chinese restaurant for dinner, which I gotta say is pretty sweet considering its the best chinese food I have ever had. I loved everything there. I have now realized that my laptop is absorbing the sun since its black which probably isn't good for it. I will finish with an update on what I will be doing for the next 5 weeks. I have now finished my first placement at the orphanage and I now have 2 weeks before I go to a Mennonite school for 3 weeks as my next placement. The next 2 weeks will be pretty interesting. I have today and tomorrow for down days... except we are not allowed leaving the base so we feel totally trapped. We can't even go past this guys house on the property cause YWAM is running a camp for the Mennonite peeps. So we really are limited. And everyone is home, so that's about 20ish teens, plus leaders crammed into the same house for 2 days with limited room to breathe. But other than that I'm good. Once the weekend is up, I am spending monday and tuesday preparing for a VBS we will be doing next week for YWAM. From weds - sunday I will be at this place, really random, apparently this guy needs some help, so were driving up to his school, and were gonna help out the kids. He is one of the girls mom's cousin, so we got connections lol. Sunday we return home and I forget what were doing monday. But tues-thurs we are running the VBS, local kids are gonna get a summer day camp type thing, and we will be running it. Then friday-sunday I do not know. And then that following monday 2 weeks from now, I will be at my next placement, living at their house. I will be at a mennonite school with Lindsey (another really random person who I don't really talk to, hopefully it will work out really well like Ben). The people who had that placement before really loved it there and they said the mother cooks the most amazing food. I think that is a pretty good update with my life, I best be off to get ready for the Chinese resturant. Peace out everyone.

The Untitled One

It is March 21, at 7:51pm here, meaning that it is 9:51pm in Canada. I am on week three. I am on my last week of working at the orphanage. After friday, I will have 10 days without a placement, everyone will be back from theres, we will have about 20 something people here in this one house, and I am still not sure as to what we will do then. There has been talk of working on the YWAM base for 8 days, then going to the cayes for 2, but like I said, we don't know... this is premature information. I have overcome my homesickness and can proudly say that I am really glad I am here. A part of me feels that this time will go by so fast, but another says that this is still 3 months (although I am almost already done one). I am looking forward to having my family come down, I know my mom will be useful, probably help sew, and Angie will just be hilarious to hang out with. That will be March 22 I believe that they are coming, and for a whole 2 weeks. By the time they have come, I will be done my second placement, and once they leave I will only have 3 weeks left. Wow. That is crazy, it will go by so fast, hopefully. Every day seems slow, but I am always surprised when the weekend is upon me. I am loving it here.. not gonna lie. Yesterday, Rick (Mr. Shmit) was talking in the devotions about returning home and how that will feel since we have a team member going home. He was supposed to be on the Hamilton Peru mission trip, but he was too sick to go, so he came on ours for 3 weeks. Anyways, Mr. Shmit was talking about how when we return, there will probably be a sense of loneliness, since we will be surrounded by people who haven't shared the same experiences as me. They won't miss Belize, they won't understand. He was talking about how we will be sucked back into the pace of Canada, and how at first it will be really stressful, and the time when I am not in the canadian pace will be hard. Things like that make me not want to return home. I really wish I could bring those that I miss here. Sometimes I feel the greatest gift would be to live here, and just move my friends and family here. But then I begin to miss some of my comforts that I don't have here. For example, pizza, hamburgers, french fries (yea I know... I like food, Angie knows what I am talking about... planning what you will eat each meal.. getting excited for it.. guess thats just us). Anyways, I think a great blessing when I return will be my bed. I'm odd I admit it, I kinda miss my bed. When I was homesick, I would always think of all that I'm missing out on, but if you think about it, once I return, I will enjoy everything again for however long, then I will get bored again, and will probably want to go back. Although, I do miss you guys, very often I find myself picturing the airport in Buffalo, landing, seeing everyone. Peace

Ground Zero

I have returned from church. It is 9:04pm, we went to the evening service of Kathy MacDonald's church. I will try to explain what has occurred tonight, but nothing will come close. Tonight our group bonded in a deeper way, we became one body, we bonded in a spiritual way. Tonight, some people broke down before God, many cried, many laid hands on each other, and many hugged afterwards. This was a very emotional night for most, including myself. The ending was the most intense spiritual moment. The pastor specifically called up one of our own, Liesl, to pray for. I was in the front row so I followed Beth's lead and I laid hands on her. He began to pray for her, and as he prayed for her, my eyes began to fill with tears. The pastor came to a point where he asked her if she had any school issues she wanted him to pray about and she said her school wasn't where it's supposed to be spiritually. I did not realize it at the time, but Liesl was really reminding me of myself last year. Last year I was really on fire for God, I was ready to see my school saved, and so on. I began to feel little pangs of guilt, like we both want to go into ministry and I began to realize how far I have drifted from my grade 11 self. Once we finished praying for her, the pastor moved on to Alex. The circle closed around her, and everyone laid hands on her. I was on the outside of the circle, so I stood alone. As I worshiped, tears came streaming down my face. I didn't even know why I was crying, I was just being touched. My mind was absolutely blank and yet I was bawling. Liesl and Beth laid their hands on me, but I continued to cry. Then the pastor noticed and he asked Liesl what my name was, after she told him, he called me towards him. He took my hand and led my into the center of the circle. Everyone laid hands on me and he began to pray for me. Among many things that he prayed over me, he asked me if I have any issues with my father. So I told him a quick summary, basically my father was verbally abusive, he called my siblings and I 11 greedy hands always grabbing for his money, he moved out when I was younger, and now I see him once a month if I want to. He told me that God wants me to forgive him. Previously in my life I have forgiven him. As I said earlier, my grade 11 self, I had dealt with this issue, that is how I was able to see him even once a month. But God knew that I had fallen back into my old ways. I had allowed myself to pull away from my dad again, to re-allow those hurts back in my life, and to not forgive him again. Before this trip, I have been generally avoiding my father's calls, pretending that I am not home, and I only went out with him once so that he would buy me shoes for my trip. Although this was not the main issue. I had not begun to cry over my father. I began to cry because I felt guilty for falling away, I felt guilty for not being farther in my Christian walk, for not being the leader that I so want to be. Another thing the pastor poured over me was God's grace, he said I am forgiven. I now know that God is ready to work with me where I am at. He knows that I am not at the leadership level and I need to stop focusing on what I will become, but enjoy the ride, enjoy every day. That is why he brought about the dad issue. He was telling me that I am not ready for the big issues, I still have little issues to work out first before I can become the leader that I want to be. Before I can minister to others, and see other people saved, I need to work out my dealings. Not saying that I will not become a pastor or missionary or whatever, but God needs to work on me now. I really needed this night, and another beautiful thing that came out of this was the relationships were strengthened. After the pastor finished praying for me, he told me to turn around, and when I did I saw almost the whole group around me. They were all praying for me, laying hands on me. It was amazing to see. Once the pastor finished praying for everyone, we all just came together. It was a sea of hugs, everyone was smiling, happy and supporting each other. Honestly, it was so beautiful. I know I have to be here, I know I have to be with these people. This is going to be a crazy 3 months. We all laughed after saying that this is only week 2, there is a lot more to come.

The Joy of the Lord is my strength – I am strong when I have joy...

A Moment in Time which can only be described as: Random

This morning we were sitting in devotions and everyone was going around saying what their best and worst moments were from these past two weeks. Finally it gets to me, I begin with my worst which for me was the homesickness. Just missing Steve, friends, family, comforts, my bed.. etc. Then as I was saying that my best was trying new things that I wouldn't/couldn't in Canada I get bit by this bug. In the middle of my sentence I throw my bible off my lap, rip my croc (one of my shoes) off, yelp, and grab my second toe. Everyone is surprised, and I just burst into tears. It hurt so bad. But honestly it was the most random thing in my life. I am sitting in my room now. Just running over the events. It was the most random thing of my entire life. So anyways, after I freak out, Lily, the director's wife (sweetest lady ever) takes me into the kitchen and gives me a cloth and ice. We figure that it was a wasp who figured my crocs were a nice home because of the holes on top. I remember seeing a red, flying bug, a little longer than my thumb nail, and it landed on my shoe. A moment later I look back at it, only to see in crawling in one of the holes and biting me. Oh my goodness, I can't even explain how much it hurt. It was a sharp shooting pain. Everyone was so shocked when I actually burst into tears, full out, wow it hurt. Lily thinks its wasp, but she told me that if it was a red ant that it would hurt all day and swell up. Apparently a bite from those is as bad as a scorpions sting. She has had that twice, her arm and toe, swelled up and hurt all day. The red ant is a lot bigger though, they have regular red ants that bite as well, but that only hurts for a second. Anywho, walking how was a pain in the butt because every step felt like I was being bitten again. Twice I actually ripped off my shoe because I thought it was happening again. Everyone has been asking if I'm alright, Mr. K is worried because he thinks that its the red ant. Maybe I should tell him. :S haha maybe later. Now that its pretty much over I can laugh because that honestly was the most random event of my life. It could have bitten me before my turn came. It could have bitten someone else. It could have bitten me after. It had to bite me right when my turn came, right when I was about to talk about the good. And if anyone is still interested, as I said earlier the best was trying new things that I wouldn't/couldn't in Canada such as swimming in a pitch black cave, tarantula hunting, jumping in foreign water after one a few second thoughts, etc. For those who know me, they know that I am not the adventurous type... till now. Lol. Peace out peeps. This damsel in distress needs to lie down.

Revitalizing Rain

I am getting the sense that it has been a little while since I have blogged or e-mailed so here it is, an update. I have just returned from a rain shower. That was one of the most exhilarating things ever. I am reminded of the times when Angie and I would run out into rain, splashing in the puddles. It is almost 10pm here on March 16. The rain began to pour, and everyone came out to see it. Ben ran out in what he was wearing. I ran to Laura to get the video camera, so its for sure gonna be in the video. Then I suggested that we all run out together, and we did. Even though I was in my skirt, I didn't even change. I just ran out. It was absolutely awesome. Once again, when everyone came home from their placements I had a sense of restlessness and to be honest loneliness. I came into the main room to see that almost everybody had left to who knows where, the only people who were left were the ones on the internet. So basically, I went into my room, and just went to my devotional book. I felt a lot better after that, but even better was that Liesl came in. I was feeling fine at that point, but it was still nice that she came in just to talk. After a little while, we were joined by Aislin and Elena. We popped caramel popcorn and watched 30 minutes of clueless, till we were interrupted by the rain. Being in the rain was amazing. It felt so good to be connected to these people. Everyone is so awesome. We had so much fun, just in the dark, running around in the pouring rain. For some reason, being in that rain, just made it feel like everything fell off. It's might be a little corny to say, but honestly the rain, it was awesome. I haven't had fun to that level for a while. It has pumped me up for tomorrow as well. Tomorrow we are going to the Blue Hole. Basically a really deep water, surrounded by underwater caves, and all that. I don't know much, but you should look it up. I will know everything tomorrow. We are leaving at 10:30 am and we will be there all day. I am loving my tanning scene. Seems that everyone is peeling except me. I just keep tanning more and more. Tis sweet. I am super pumped to go home, I am not going to lie. But if I have more moments like this, it's going to be really hard by the end. Belize is awesome. The sun is so nice. The people are really nice most of the time. :D And I am really growing here. The fact that I am away from every comfort is really challenging, but I know will be good. I really do have to rely on God for everything. I am here, I don't have any best friends, no boyfriend, no family, and barely any comforts. And yet, God is doing some amazing things. It feels so good to do devotions again, to pray, just really great. We had a devotion this morning, and I really opened up to the group. I just told them how I was feeling, what I was struggling with. Honestly, it has been really hard not to have my close friends here. I am very used to having everyone (my friends) absorb pretty much everything I say, always encouraging me, loving on me, laughing with me. Well here I don't necessarily have that at all. It has been an adjusting thing. I don't have close friends here, I will be honest. For my friends/family who know my hyper side, I haven't really brought that fully out yet, I did once, when we were at the pool. Not that I hide anything, it just doesn't come out without encouragement. And that is why today was amazing. I felt so connected, we were all just having a blast, screaming, jumping, and just playing around in the rain. I have been homesick for these things. I miss my friends who love and support me in everything, I miss my boyfriend and my family whom I love very much. I do miss you guys, whether you realize it or not. Belize is awesome, by the end I won't want to leave, but right now, its still hard. I will become closer to these people, maybe even make some really good friends. I haven't had that good of a chance either because half of us are in placements off the YWAM base. Next week will be my last week at the orphanage, although every morning I don't want to be there, and by the middle I am really tired and frustrated, I always leave there happy. When I look back I hardly remember the hard times. This whole experience will be amazing. Although I know it will be hard at times. Thank God for the rain, so refreshing and nice. And I know the people who are on this trip were chosen by God. Key verse for me.. The Joy of the Lord is my strength.

Orphanage Encounter

You cover me with .. you cover me with your love.. Today I was asked to cover the children with my love. Today God really stretched me. It is easy for one to say that if they were in my place they would break down and smother these kids with love. Do not get me wrong, these are the biggest sweeties ever, but the point I am making is that these children are covered with sickness and disease. Their scalps are scabby and literally have green goop film on their heads. Today, I saw a girl popping some kind of sore on another child's head only to have white goop squirt out. They have sores all over which do not heal and being children they enjoy being filthy. Each child has nose drippings, dirty diapers and itchy bodies. One day I came upon the scene of Louis, a 9 month old baby, sitting in his crib and balling his eyes out while flies swarmed feasting on his boogers. He was sweating all over, and his diaper was dirty from crawling around on the ground. To be honest, I couldn't handle it. I left him there. For the past few days after that I could not be around Louis, I was frustrated with the fact that you cannot put him down without crying, and then that scene pushed me off the edge. But like I said today, God stretched me. It was absolutely amazing. It is like I was being hit from all directions with the most disgusting things and all I wanted to do was run away. Today, I was at the park and I looked over at Laquisha (aka Squishy) who was scratching her head profusely, and I was just picturing her green gooey scalp and just the filth that she was spreading. And this was after I had seen a girl pop the sore on the other girls head. Before this I was just sitting on a bench, trying to relax for a few minutes. And these two girls come up to me, and like I said the one started picking at the scalp of the other. They began to tell me about how they all have this disease. Coleen pulled back the hair of the other girl only to reveal yellow crusties, and scabs which she continued to pick at. At this point, I was horrified. I did not want these kids to touch me, I just slipped away and tried to avoid Laquisha at all costs. Although, God had another plan for me. The second I came into Laquisha's radius she wanted to be picked up and held. I confess I tried to ignore her, I tried to keep moving and just avoid her. But like I said, God had another plan. She was persistent. She grabbed my hand and before I knew it she was crawling all over me. This was the beginning of what became a real heart warming experience. I did things today that I told myself I would not do (at least that day). For the first half of the day, Laquisha did not leave me alone. God would not let me shut them out like that. He would not let me treat them like a disease and refuse to love them. So anyways, I went into the recreation room and Squishy leaped onto my lap. She nuzzled into my neck and in the process rubbed her head on me. At first, I was horrified, but God just kept on working on me. Then I was confronted with the idea that I needed to bathe her. Once again I was in an uncomfortable place I did not want to go. I know she is a child, but I didn't want to undress her, I didn't want to bathe her, rub her dirty scalp, or scrub her filthy body. Nisa (pronounced like Lisa) is a fifteen year old who helped me out with this. Although I confess, I did not wash her in any way, I did undress her, and soak her with the hand-held spray nozzle. I know this doesn't seem like much, but the fact was, I could not put up the wall anymore, God was taking me to that personal place. Later on that day, Louis needed a diaper change. I did not realize it at the time, but when a girl handed me the baby, it was so that I would change him because she didn't want to do it. I had told myself that I would never change diapers. I felt that I didn't need to do that, that I was not their mother, and I didn't need to do the dirty jobs. Once again, I believe I was putting up a wall. If I only was a babysitter, then I could go home and pretend that they hadn't touched me in anyway. If I only did the easy jobs, then I could walk away, because I would not be personally involved. So anyways, after I tried to pass him off, I finally sucked it up, and changed him. Right away I found the wipes/diapers. He did not squirm at all, he did not cry, and he was not messy. It was the easiest changing I have ever done. Following that I got a little close and personal to Jackie. This is when I realized that they were really beginning to become dear to me. I decided to take a group of kids to the park, although after a few were invited I had a huge group and I was all by myself. So basically, all these kids took a short cut while I was stuck walking the long way, having no idea if these kids were gonna run away, or what. At this point it was almost three and I was very tired. I reached the park, and after a little while, I wanted to go home. I told everyone we are leaving, but as we started walking home, a couple volunteers from our group popped up saying that they were going to to take them to the park. The kids gleefully run back while I just want to trudge back home. At this point I really want to leave, but I am told that 2 little girls (Jackie and Laquisha) want to go home to go to the bathroom. This means that I have to walk slower and probably carry at least one of them. After a slow walk home, they both go, and the second I am about to relax, Jackie wants to go back. This is the beginning of my realization that I am starting to love these kids. Although I was very tired, and just wanted to lay down, I picked myself back up and walked her all the way back to the park. Once we arrive, I want to turn around and walk back home, but when I tell her I am leaving, she just begins to look down at the ground, and ask me why I don't want to play. This breaks my heart, and I am unable to leave her. Jackie and I continue to chat, when she blurts out that she misses her mom. Personally, I have tried to avoid the parent topic, because although many have parents, most were abandoned, or their parents have died, so I don't ask. But she begins to tell me about how she has only seen her mom twice, and how her parents live in different homes. Her dad apparently is only about 5 minutes from the park, we could see his house from there. I did not find out why she doesn't live with him, but she did say he visits her almost every day. She told me about how she misses her mom, because her mom would always take her to the park. One beautiful thing that really struck me in the face today, was the fact that the older take care of the younger in this home. All these children don't have parents in one way or another, and yet the older ones (only about 7 or so) will carry the younger ones, and just smother them with love and affection. I could not help but picture the aids commercial where the family is walking down the street and the adults slowly start to disappear until there is only children walking carrying other children. This is how I felt today. When I originally took the large group to the park, I talked about how they disappeared down different paths. Well there is this one short cut which is literally a drainage system that they can walk through because it is not rainy season anymore. Anyways, picture this scene. I am walking back from the park. Jackie has already left with some other kids. I walk up to the drainage system. This is basically a concrete pathway, and I walk up and see about 10 kids standing there. I cannot even describe it. The oldest child must have been like 7-10 and the youngest being 3. Two of the youngest ones are crying, one of the four year olds J.R. has a little bit of an anger problem, so when he gets angry he hurts the other children. I was so frustrated and worn out, I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. Right away I told everyone we are going home. But as I was saying before about the older taking care of the younger, it was sort of beautiful, a little shimmer of light in a very trying moment. Coleen (7 year old) hands me Louis (9 month old baby) while she picks up a child in each of her arms and continues to help me encourage the kids to keep walking. A part of me thought it was beautiful, but apart of me was thinking, when did this child get a childhood? I remember being a young girl and enjoying playing mommy with my dolls, but this was extreme. I actually wonder how much growing up here will affect her. What affect does this have on a child? A generation of kids bringing up kids. Its insane. Even later on that day, when I was just walking home two kids I still felt as if I had become apart of the AIDs commercial. I felt that I am still young, I am only 17 and yet, I am one of the authority figure for these little ones. How could I even imagine raising children at this stage of my life, it just really put things into perspective for me. Life is hard. One thing that is cool about this whole experience at the orphanage is that they do not tell us what to do. Everything is voluntary. Usually when one thinks of volunteering they picture someone giving them a list of things to do, that need to get done. Not here. In this way, I have only myself to blame for certain troubles. I could have walked away from Jackie in her time of need. I could have left Louis in his crib till someone else noticed. I could have handed Laquisha to an adult and let them bathe her. When James cut his leg and no one was treating it. I could have let it bleed there, it wasn't that bad. But instead I got some toilet paper, I cleaned it up, and I asked for a bandaid. This is what I mean by putting up walls. I remember my first day there.. all I could think of was the smells, the sickness, you know.. kids coughing in your face.. no soap in the kids washrooms, not enough towels to go around.. beans and rice every day.. and it was horrible. Today was a day of knocking down walls. It was hard, and it still is hard, but I believe that by the end of this I will truly love these kids and not want to leave them. From the second Ben and I walked in these children clung to our legs, they wanted to be picked up. We were strangers, and yet they were so starved for attention and love that they jump on anyone that walks in the door. I left King's Children Home today a better person. I know now, why these adults love these children so much. How they could stay here in this environment day after day, and not go insane. It is crazy, the first day I was so claustrophobic by the tiny space, and millions of children, but now it is a lot better. Like I said, I am really beginning to love these children and even though its hard, God is working on my heart.

“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14

Burnt and Brodies

This is the night of my eighth day and it's going really good. I am listening to my Rebecca St. James cd that I got from fusion. I'm quite tired. It is only 10:30 here (but i am still going to roll over and sleep very soon). I just wanna wish ev and care a happy 18^th birthday party, sucks that I can't be there, but I know it will still be awesome. A kind of stinky thing is that my roomies Laura and Rachel are gonna be moving down the hall, which doesn't seem like a big deal, but we have gotten really close, so it stinks. I am going to have Aislin and Meghan as my roommates. I am loving my placement, I really do believe this is the best placement. The children are awesome. I love it there. I am tired after each day, and yet I am really happy once I leave. The day begins at 10am to 6pm. I babysit the little ones who are too young to go to school in the morning. Ben and I generally take them to the park. Once 12 o'clock comes around we take them home to eat a meal of beans, rice, and meat (sometimes coleslaw too). After that we put them in bed for a nap and Ben and I get to take an hour break. We take a walk to Brodey's (a store) and we buy some kind of icecream. We kept on buying ideals (freezies) until Mr. K told us today that we are not to be eating them cause they're dirty. We ate one everyday this week except for today (thursday) and we have not been sick yet. Anyways, after that we walk from Brodey's to the school to pick up the younger kids who go to school and get out early (this is at 2:30). Then we walk home. If the children have homework we help them do that and we play with the kids till the older start coming home at 3ish. Out of the 4 times we have been there, twice I have helped with the cooking of dinner. Tuesday Ben and I made tortillas and today I made Fried Jacks. They are a dough that you deep fry in a pan which comes out like that of a pretzal (not the shape, but the type of bread). They are really yummy and Ben/I thought of the idea to put sugar on them. SO GOOD! Once 6 o'clock comes around we go home and relax till dinner, and bed time. Well I am quite tired now, and I believe this is a pretty good update. I miss you all, but not enough to come home.. haha. Looking forward to the coming back day, but also looking forward to all that we are doing here. I am going to the keys (islands) on saturday, and on sunday we are going to the blue hole (maybe). Twill be fun. Peace, Hans

An Ideal Day

I have just completed day 3 of my placement and I am loving it. After the hellish first day, I have soared on the wings of Kathy MacDonald. She is the YWAM leader and is awesome. She came into our placement and totally brightened up the place. Right when she entered, the room lit up. All the people who I thought were so unfriendly began to smile and hug her. It was just amazing. Once she left, the people were so nice. I love the environment. I am so happy I have this placement. I am so comfortable with the staff and children. They love us (Ben and I). The first day I was so jealous of everyone, and now everyone is jealous of us. I get to sleep in late, but I have to stay till 6pm (everyone else comes home for 4:30). poopy. Anyways, I just wanted to let everyone know that I am having so much fun. The kids are adorable and the staff are hilarious. Got to go, peace

My First Placement

Well basically it is now 5:10pm and I have just got back from my first placement. I was dropped off at King's Orphanage with Ben, a Hamilton Christian high school student. This placement I would have to say is decent. When we arrived we were welcomed by a Canadian volunteer who had been there for 2 months already and this was her last day. She was very friendly and was quick to show us the ropes. Instantly the children were suctioned to our legs, arms and any other body part they could reach. They wanted to be carried, hugged, anything they could get. We were taking care of about 6 children under the age of 5, the youngest was 9 months to the oldest three which were 4. We played with them for a few hours till it was lunch time. Our lunch consisted of white rice, beans, and hot dog pieces in a red sauce. To be honest, so far I have had all amazing food and this did not look appetizing. I know that sounds ungrateful, but I did try it. The rice tasted as if it was washed with a cleaning solution, the hot dog sauce was gross, so I basically enjoyed a meal of beans. Anyways, after that we played with them a little longer till it was nap time. Once they were all in bed, we were taken for a walk by the Canadian lady Shannon. We saw shops and different places to eat, it was quite nice. Then we reached the school for the younger children. They are let out early (2:30 instead of 3) so we need to go walk and pick them up. They enjoyed my name calling me Hannah Montana from the Disney show on the family channel. For the rest of the day we just played with the children, the number grew as they all came home. Ben and I helped one little boy with his grammar homework. Oh, and I took care of the cutest little baby ever. Louis is the 9 month old sweet heart. He is so cute, I will take a picture of him for sure. Shannon loves him so much, she even admitted that she would adopt him if she could. Although the children were quite cute the actual staff at this orphanage are not friendly at all. We had one lady who was a mother of 3 girls there say a few words to us, and then the Canadian. The rest did not say anything to us unless we provoked them by asking a question. Overall, Ben and I had a pretty bad day, and we both feel that this place is not very good. Mr. K agrees because he had heard rumours that they let the volunteers do all the work while they stay on their computers all the time. Which was very true while we were there. Basically, Shannon played with the kids, and we hardly saw them except for at the computer. Mr. K says that after 2 days if we don't like it we can switch, so Ben and I decided we will stay to the end of the week. The head lady wasn't here today, but she will be in tomorrow, hopefully she will be more friendly. Shannon even said that at first they didn't say anything to her either, they still hardly talk to her. It is an unfriendly environment which I don't really want to be apart of. But I will see how I feel at the end of the week. Anyways, peace out everyone. I am tired. :D

One Simple Request

Dear Lord,
All I ask is that you would let me know that you are near. And that as I feel that you are near that I would learn more about you, and myself and become completely honest with you and myself. I do love you Lord, and I know that this trip is your will. Make and mold me into the person you want and need me to be. Your will be done Jehovah. Amen

Hotel is to Pool as Chinese Food is to Dinner

Day 3 is now complete and I am feeling great. It is now 9:21pm and I am sitting on my bed in my room, just typing on my laptop listening to music. It is actually the cd my sister Annie gave me and I just wanna give a shout out to Annie and a thank you, first time listening to it and its quite good. Today was absolutely amazing. I feel like this time is one of the best in my entire life. I do not want to put any memories from Canada on the same plane because this is completely different, but just want to express how awesome it is here. I cannot believe I am so blessed to go here. This house I have been given to live in on the YWAM base is so cozy and nice. I am settled and comfortable here, I am happy here. I love the people that have come with me from Canada. Everyone is really easy going and cool, and I am positive these are the people God chose to be here. Everyone is at different stages in their Christian walk and yet we still get along famously. I don't think I have every clicked so fast with people. It's just amazing. Mr. K my leader is really great, he is unconventional at best, but I know that he has a love for the Lord that is inspiring. He admits that hes a little crazy, an example of this is his constant efforts to soak us with water or throw whatever garbage he can at us. Today was an amazing day, we just completely relaxed and had fun. Don't worry everyone I will start work on Monday. I will be working at King's Orphanage (really excited). Apparently, the children are so sweet and you fall in love with them right away. Anyways, back to my day. Like I said twas awesome. We began by going to church. The YWAM base has many churches close by and Mr. K told us to choose one. Many of us just followed him including myself. There was an American church visiting so there was a good amount of white people around. lol Anyways, the church was enjoyable overall. The worship was done with a worship cd playing, while one black man belted out the songs with a mike. Following at least a half hour of worship we had a time of testimonies. Basically this time was an open mike to all those to share what were on their hearts from their struggles to a person they wish us to pray for. Apparently they accidentally took too long so the pastor ran out of time to preach. But he gave a 15 minute blurb on what he planned to preach about and how we will preach that sermon next Sunday. He was talking about the reformation of the church and our lives. I really want to return next week and after that I will decide if I want to move on or not. Following that we went home and got ready for the pool. That's right I said pool. Kathy (our YWAM leader) took us to a Hotel where they allowed us to use their pool for $5 American (which is $10 Belizean dollars). All we had to do was pay that and we got the pool all day to ourselves. It was amazing. I had so much fun with Laura, we stayed in the pool the whole time. Although I did burn minimally, only on my cheeks and the tiniest bit. Once we had gotten our fill of that we drove to a Chinese restaurant that had the most amazing Chinese food I have ever eaten. I loved everything we ate (and they didn't even have chicken balls). I tried a little bit of everything and liked it all (even this egg dish that I was worried about). The way we ordered was they just placed platters of everything is front of us and we just took a little onto our plates. Mmm soo good. Anyways, once we got home, we were taken to Kathy's house for a movie night. We had snacks there and the movie was pretty good. It was a Christian movie called Hangman's curse. It had its really corny moments, but it also had some redeeming qualities, so overall I would say it was decent. By the climax we were all quite into in, it was a little scary. There is a few parts where there is tarantulas everywhere and people are getting bit and they are just gross. But other than that, I give decent reviews. I have now finished my 6th journal/devotional/blog thingers and I am pretty tired. It is 10pm here which means its 11 for all you Canadians. I just wanna say a big thanks to all those that helped me get here, through any sort of support and I ask for your continual prayers as I face my placement tomorrow. My wish for this trip is that I come out of it knowing more about myself, God and what God wants me to do. Therefore, I ask that you would pray for my protection and all those things. Thanks to everyone again, peace.

Bonfire Bliss

The time is 11:12 pm and I am sitting in my bedroom with Laura and Rachel. I have had a long eventful day and and I can honestly say that I am falling in love with this place. The time is going to go by so fast. I am so thankful for this YWAM base, honestly it is soo nice. We can drink the water here, the showers are cold, it is awesome. I had such a great time today. I will begin at the beginning of the day. The first half of the day we traveled around on the bus dropping people off at our placements. We went to a Mennonite ice cream parlor, it was totally high tech. They had air conditioning and awesome soft serve ice cream. They only thing that was old fashioned was that the girls were all wearing dresses. It was hilarious one lady had a cell phone and a black hair net thingy. I can't really explain it basically its a cloth net thing that she clipped to her head, it reminded me of a Jewish hat. Anyways, enough about that, after we had traveled to every placement the left overs who are going to stay at the base all went to a restaurant. It was a nice restaurant, we were actually allowed to drink the drinks with their ice cubes. I had a chicken sandwich with cheese (like a kraft single slice), ketchup, tomato (which I took off), lettuce and a pickle slice. I didn't order the cheese by the way, but whatever it tasted good. It was like a grilled chicken sandwich. I also had fries and fresh orange juice to drink (twas amazing). Some people ordered fresh watermelon juice, which I believed tasted nasty but I hate watermelon, and yet it still was gross cause they blend the seeds and everything in it. Once we had reached home, we got to relax until the bonfire. We roasted hotdogs and marshmallows. We ate nachos, chocolate chip cookies, and juice, twas a feast. We are being ridiculously spoiled. Following that we went on an adventure looking for tarantulas. That's right people, tarantulas. I did not touch it, but I looked at it and took pictures lol I will be a Tarantula Hunter yet! You watch. Then some people went after a poisonous coral snake, but I stayed back and took pictures once it was captured. I'm a wuss and proud of it. After that people kept on going, but I went home to go on the internet. That was a lot of fun, I have put my journal on my blog site, I have put a video on youtube, and I have checked my e-mail. Anyways, I am tired for bed and I want to read my journal. Peace out everybody, lots of love xoxo

Devotional Thinking... Again

I am sitting here in the common room of our house and the day is almost done. It is 8:30pm here and we have to be in bed for 11pm. There is a bit of tension here because I am in a room with three other girls while everyone else is in a room with 2, but we have the smallest room. We did pick it, but it just sucks because girls with 3 in there room won't switch. I don't even mind the smaller room if I could put my luggage in there room. Just kind of annoying. Anyways, we have eaten dinner, spaghetti, garlic bread, salad and cake, twas delicious. And we have finished the meeting, it wasn't too boring, Kathy told us some funny stories and we had some laughs. Overall, I think this experience is gonna be awesome and yet, I really want it to be over. Maybe my tune will change when I get to my placement. It is just right now I am tired, hot and irritated. Also, I really want the internet but we only have 4 cables so thats how many people can use it at a time. I have already sent an e-mail and loaded my pictures onto facebook, but I still wanted more time (stinky). So I am just sitting here with no internet, expressing my frustrations. I am kind of excited to have the ten leave so that we will have more personal space and the internet will not be taken. Anyways, I promised myself that I would have a little devotional time while I write. I have now listening to a worship cd and trying to de-stressify myself. I want to reflect on that which Kathy talked about tonight. She talked about the servant mentality in a way I have never thought of. Instead of waiting for people to assign jobs to you, you can approach them, and ask if you can help them with anything. Jesus got right in there, he washed his disciple's feet. When I am living in the Belizean homes, I am told that I will have to help with dinner, clean up, etc. basically I will have chores and responsibilities. I know I will complain about these later, but really the point is, I will be apart of their family. I will rest with them, I will work with them. The only time I will be separate is when I do my correspondence, which by the way I need to start (GAH!!). I feel that after tomorrow I will probably start, tonight I will figure out how much I have to work each day. To be honest I feel that will be the most brutal part of this other than the traveling. Just trying to set aside time each day and work, gonna be brutal. Anyways, feeling better about most things. I think I will have a snack once I have downloaded the pictures off my camera, then I will delete them. Awesomeness. I have read my journal from the peeps (friends) and I just wanna say that it really encouraged me. I love everyone and I really appreciate all the encouragement. I know I can do this, and I will probably be in love with this place in the end, but at the moment, I am just trying to get through all this. I am excited to help the orphanage and I think what Kathy says is true about praying about which child I give the dresses to. I only have ten, and I have three months, well three weeks in this placement, so yea, I will probably bring one to the first day, maybe not even. It's crazy, but I think the only reason why these trips are so life changing is because you have to deal with struggles and overcome them. This whole time is going to be about growing and changing. I am copying my pictures right now. I am pretty proud of them. I took a picture of my crocs and it is now my desktop, I am quite proud. Alisha would be proud, I have been recruited, they are quite comfortable. I believe I have unburdened myself well and tonight I shall just relax. I am very honoured to be here, I just need to remember to have a servant's heart and to go with the flow. Everything we be all right. Peace out.

Fun in the Sun with Sunscreen

I am sitting here in my room, fan going around. It doesn't have the stop option so I have cool air every so often. Today has been pretty nice so far. The accommodations are amazing. YWAM has set up a house for us with a kitchen, joint living room/dining room, and 4 washrooms just for the girls side. I have had my first meal of sausages, eggs and toast made by our team here in our kitchen. For lunch, we walked to the dining room on the base and ate with the staff. They served potatoes, chicken and coleslaw, it was really nice. I took a picture of it just so that everyone can see my first meal made by the YWAM people. Later on we convened together in an open room where we sat in a circle and discussed our placements. For my first 3 weeks I will be working at King's Orphanage with Ben from Hamilton. I get to sleep here at the YWAM base every night instead of going to a Belizean family. I think it will be a good beginning, I am less thrown into the culture. About 10 pairs are going to live with Belize families while the rest are left to sleep here at YWAM every night because many of the placements are so close. Although those people will come home every weekend. Oh wow, I am already calling YWAM base my home (that's pretty cool). After that we were taken on a walking tour of the base which was pretty long, but cool. We walked across the suspension bridge which most of us will have to cross every day to get to our placements, a little scary but fun. Once we returned home, a few of us played with some children and their hose. They are kids of a lady who works here. They were so cute, especially the little girls giggle. I wasn't actually supposed to get wet, I just wanted to spray out my sunscreen drenched suitcase, but none the less, the little girl thought it would be funny if she sprayed me. It was pretty funny, although I am still drying off. We just got Internet so I will be posting my journals on my blog pretty soon. I cannot wait to check my e-mail, make a facebook album of my pictures, and send e-mails/videos to everyone. Well it is now 5:03 pm here, which means it is 6:03 for you guys. We will go to dinner and another meeting soon. It should be boring considering we will be going over rules and regulations. Well there is a line up to use the Internet considering all twenty of us want to use it. But I will get it eventually. Peace

Devotional Thinking

I am here to document the moments that pass by on this journey. Mr. K says that we are specially chosen, that God chose us. I wonder why I was chosen. What is going to happen to me while were here? The first placement given to me is King's orphanage and my partner is Ben. The verse that was given to me is Phil. 3:12-14 “Keeping focused on the Lord, The Joy of the Lord is your strength.” I know that this is going to be awesome and that I just need to be flexible. Life is going to be good as long as I just remain flexible. One thing though, that I really want right now is Internet, but I am thankful that I can type out everything. I thank Elaina for making me thankful, her laptop isn't even working. I am thankful for the phone which will allow me to call home. I am thankful for the washing machine and the line outside to hang my clothes on. I am thankful for my discman, even if I can't find my headphones. I am thankful for all the family and friends who are praying for me right now. I am thankful for life. Even if I just survive these three months, nothing else, this is going to be awesome. Lunch is in 15 minutes, were eating at the YWAM main lunch room. I thank God for ipods and other music devices which allow me to feel connected to civilization even though I am a million miles away. 24 hours of traveling sheesh. I am going to call home soon, maybe after lunch, I feel like I should call as soon as possible, I don't want my mom to worry. Okay, I think I am done for now. Peace out. (Written on March 2, at 11:49am Mexican Time)

Travelling to Belize

I am sitting here on the bus with twenty strangers on the road to Belize. So far we have had 2 minor break-downs from 2 different ladies, and plenty of irritation. The worst part of this experience so far for me is the Mexican Airport. I feel Mr. K's tough love can be a little harsh sometimes, and leaves many stressed out and angry. I do not enjoy being thrown into unfamiliar situations without instruction or guidance. When we arrived at the airport we followed the crowd into the maze of lines which led us to the customs people. The man did not speak English to well and I was the first to go. I had not filled out a section of my form and he kept asking me if I was trans-something or other, basically he was asking if I was staying or passing through (we were passing through). Personally, I am quite excited for all that is to come. I am worried about the heat and all the irritation that comes with that, but I think this is going to be an amazing experience. I really love and miss everyone, but not enough to cry or get upset. Everything here is new and for the most part exciting. I am excited to read my journals from my family and friends, but I am afraid that they will make me cry. I love everyone who helped me to get here, and all the support that I've gotten. Unfortunately, there have already been a few issues. One thing that I found really scary is the fact that a man followed us around till we got on our bus and he wouldn't leave us alone. He just wanted to help us with our luggage for some cash, but I still felt very uncomfortable. One thing that I really hate is the oggling from men and the constant worry that comes with carrying around passports, laptops, digital cameras, etc. Despite things, I feel good, and positive. I think this experience is going to change my life in ways that I can't even imagine. Were passing by water now, everyones pretty excited about going to the beach. We are driving down this road and we are going to a burger joint soon for dinner. I found out that time here in Mexico is an hour behind that in Canada. It is 6:42pm right now on my laptop, so that means its 5:42 in Canada. LOL a girl has just stopped our bus, gotten out, and went outside to pee, except she went behind this truck thinger and we could still see her bum (all the girls were laughing). We are going to be at the burger joint in 5 minutes they saw, so I think I should wrap this up till tonight. I can't wait to add all my pictures to facebook, and send everyone my videos from my digital camera. Till tonight, peace out. Hannah (Written at 6:48pm on March 1)