"You are Special"

I woke up this morning to a delicious breakfast of oatmeal squares, toast and cornflakes. My final day at school included: marking, flashcards, lunch, volleyball, reading with Michelle and typing out stuff for Miss. Tine. I also took about 50 pictures and videos of the school. They really appreciated all I did, and everyone was so sad that I couldn't stay another week. I handed out my address and e-mail to a few people, and it was just a really nice ending. Mennonites are the nicest people, honestly.
I had very little time when I got home, so I decided to pack right away. Right when dinner was ready, the school bus pulled up, so we told them to go for ice cream without us so that we could have dinner with out host family for the last time. It was really yummy. Bertha made scalloped potatoes just for me, with sausage, corn and chocolate cake. Mmm. Earlier today Frank had said “what are we going to do without you.” When we said goodbye, Bertha almost started crying. She hugged us both and said that she loved us. Frank hugged us and then we were on the bus. Frank actually got on the bus so that he could have one last look. They are so sweet. Linds and I plan to visit them with our parents.
Once we got home, most of us went in the pool. Rachelle's parents arrived while we were still in there. It was really cool. She jumped out and ran to them. I can't wait to see my family. Well once everyone was settled back in we had a dinner of pizza.
After dinner, I was getting a drink in the kitchen and jokingly I say to Mr.K “you are special.” Although right after I said it, I had this quick thought pass through me head, like what if he actually needed to hear that. Well that's pretty much happened. Mr.K said that in the beginning of this trip when he felt really burdened by all these people criticizing him. Like Kathy, his boss, and all that were really questioning his vision and all that he was doing here. Well basically, after that meeting he felt like crap, and his wife's mother comes up to him and says you are special. Well Mr.K said that is exactly what he needed to hear. I think it is really cool to know that God is using me. I didn't even think about, God just took over. That's how I want to be used, for God to just flow out of me. I thank God that I encouraged him, and that I was encouraged by encouraging him.

Later on that night we had devotions and Ben spoke about hospitality. He told us that strangers are just Christians that we haven't met. Something like 90% of Belize is Christian and yet, when we came here we knew no one. I realize that I need to be friendly all the time, then I will be well received. One of the best things I can come back with is my behaviour: friendly all the time, looks on the bright side, helpful, volunteers to help out right away, loves everyone I meet (what Jesus has called me to). Sounds pretty difficult, but I believe that if this is my goal, God can do wonders.
It is now 9:42pm. My family comes on sunday. Tomorrow will probably be used for correspondents and going to the pool called Banana Bunk.

Sweet Dreams

Today I woke up at 6:30am to go out with Frank and Linds to a hatchery to see chicks. I guess Linds and I are equal because once Frank passed me a chick, it crapped/pissed on my hand. I still prefer what happened to me. But Linds and Frank had a good laugh. It was like warm piss, and chunks on my hand. Ugh, so nasty. Other than that the hatcheries were quite cool. We saw all the stages. We saw the incubator. Once they are done with that stage, they are put in plastic drawers where they will hatch eventually. After a few days, you will be able to pull out the same drawers and they will be full with the chicks. Once we returned home we had a quick breakfast of toast, and I was off to school.
The day began with chapel. A man came in and talked to the kids. Miss. Tine said that he was her teacher when she was young. Once again, God spoke to me. The man talked about how God can speak to us through dreams. We can have bad dreams because Satan is attacking out thoughts. Our mind is vulnerable at night, we need to pray for God to protect our thoughts so that we don't have bad dreams. He talked about how not all dreams are true, so if we feel God is speaking to us, then we need to pray about it to see if it's God's will. I began to think about my own dreams. Personally, I value sleep so much. I love it. Anyways, well I am now praying that God would speak to me through my dreams. I am praying that I would have the faith to believe if God would speak to me in a dream. It is pretty cool how this verse applies to 3:24, which I have been praying for myself every night. When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

After this, the day was pretty standard: marking, addition flashcards with Evelin (Neili was sick), napping on the bench, and reading with Jaclyn. Although things began to turn around for lunch. I had an amazing lunch of 2 Hershey almond kisses, a sandwich, cool ranch chips, and an orange. Mmm. After that I took Kenya's invite and I joined in for volleyball. It was soo much fun. I can't explain it. I just loved it. Although after lunch I was soo hot. And I think I tanned my feet. They are so dark now. I ended the day by doing some typing for Miss. Tine. I typed up words and a song for Michelle.

When I got home, Linds and I decided that we would make dinner. Bertha makes it every day, and she had asked if we would cook a meal for her. Even though she has been in Canada, she wants to try something we would eat. So Linds and I kicked her out of the kitchen and got to work. We ended up making pasta with sausage and toast. The sausage was really good, the pasta was okay, and the toast was good.
After dinner, our conversations led to Frank's motorcycle. He asked if we wanted to ride it. We said yes, but Bertha thought it would be too dangerous. So we settled for going to one of their daughter's to ride their quad. It was awesome! At first I rode on the back while Linds drove, then we switched. Then we were allowed to take it on the road, and then I got to ride by myself on the road. Like I said, it was soo fun. I want one now. When I returned with the quad, Bertha's daughter's son asked if we wanted to take turns riding on the back of his bike. Once again, we said yes, and then Linds was off. I got to ride after. That was also really fun.

Once we got home, we decided that since it was our last night there, that we would come back downstairs in an hour for popcorn. They are soo sweet. When we came down, Frank and Bertha had a tray full of popcorn, chocolate marshmallow sticks, wafer cookies, milk, and coffee. They took us to their park on their property. We would never had known. Frank had done it all himself with all the cement and homemade benches. It was so pretty. We just sat there chatting in this beautiful scenic park. It was a really nice moment with them. What can I say... they actually love us. Frank has called us “our girls” and Bertha has said she loves us. I know they are going to miss us so much.

Stepping Out

Today I...
- woke up at 6:15am because of cows. I had a pretty restless sleep. I woke up quite tired. I had a breakfast of honey nut cheerios and toast. Like every other day, I was picked up by Jeany. I ended up in Miss Tine's class for devotions again, and I got something out of it. She read the story of Acts 13. The gist of the story was that the Holy Spirit told the church of Antioch to set apart Saul and Barnabas for the work he has called them. Before the church sent them off, they fasted and prayed about it. Saul and Barnabas were special. They were qualified enough to be leaders in the Jewish church. But God had a plan for their life. Saul and Barnabas never really interacted with non-Jews, but after their first encounter, God sends them out to the ends of the earth to preach to the Gentiles. We, Christians of today, are continuing their work.
I think it is really amazing that God found me in school, and used an ordinary kid's devotions class to speak to me. I felt God was telling me that I need to pray about the work I feel the Holy Spirit has called me to. I need to find out if I am to be a missionary, if I am to go to bible school, etc. I need to pray about God's play for my life. I just need a little taste of what God wants for my life. I don't even need to know where I will end up, I just need to know my next move. If bible school is where I am to go, which one? I want to do God's plan for my life. I just need to find out if this was from God, so that I will doubt no longer. I believe this is God's will because he spoke to me when I was in church worshiping him.
Anyways, back to school. Like always my day continued from flashcards, then went to marking. Later on I helped Jaclyn, a special needs kid, with her reading. Although, today was a half day so at 11:30 I got to go home.
Once I was home, Linds and I ate lunch together (F&B were gone). She had leftover chicken, beans and rice, and I ate last weeks casserole. Then together we watched a really good suspense movie called Hide and Seek. I definitely recommend it. All I can say without ruining the plot is that there is a little girl who has a friend who makes her do bad stuff. Sounds really dumb, but it was so good.

Soon after the movie's end, Bertha and Frank came home, and we left together for the pool in Cayo. It was the same pool we went to before. Linds and I also used their internet cafe again, which was cool. After swimming, we went back to the restaurant we went to before. It was so good. Linds and I both got chicken nuggets, fries and Fanta root beer.
The day winded down with devos, ILC course, and bedtime.

Mennonite Monkeys

I woke up this morning to another delicious breakfast of pancakes, toast and fresh orange juice. Once again Jeany picked me up and we drove to Jireh Fundamental Education aka school. I began the day like any other, devotions in Miss. Tine's room, and then multiplication flashcards with Evelin and Neili. During the first break (recess) I was called over by Miss. Tine and Miss Raquel. They asked me if I would be able to teach Miss Raquel's class as during lunch she will be going to the bank and won't return in time. When I agreed she took me upstairs and showed me exactly what I need to do.
After the bell rung, the youngest class of students piled in. I believe they are in grade 1 and 2. It was so much fun. I sat down at the teacher's desk and after everyone had settled in I began to read them a chapter from the book Miss. Raquel picked out. I class had less than 10 kids. The book was so funny, it was written a long time as became obvious to me by the language used in it. It was an old farm book. Can't really explain it, just so funny. After I read them the chapter, I handed out their workbooks and told them what page numbers they needed to read. There are 3 boys who I think are in grade 1. I had to work with them 3 on 1 while the rest of the class worked. They were so cute. I had to think of definitions for their spelling words, and every time I would explain one they would giggle. Well anyways, after I was finished with them I had to get the rest of the class to read a story, every person gets a paragraph. Well Miss. Raquel didn't tell me that they all have to stand and line up in front of my desk so you can imagine my surprise when I am surrounded by children ready to read. The reading was funny because everytime we would get going one of the younger three boys would interrupt and ask me questions. It was like one after the other after the other. I didn't hear even half of the story. And because I wasn't paying attention to the reading, the kids would all laugh because they wouldn't know whose turn it was. Or I would just appoint someone and they would be like “its not there turn” while giggling of course. Well soon after we got through that Miss Raquel came back and I returned to being a teacher assistant/marking machine. I finished off the day with Michelle, one of the special needs students, helping her read.

When Linds and I arrived home, Frank asks us if he can take a picture of us in front of the orange tree. We agree and this was the beginning of what led to Linds being attacked by a spider monkey. But I am not there yet. After he took the pictures, he asked if we wanted to see their chickens. So we went into the barn and checked those out. Then we went to go see the cows. And that's when Frank got to talking about his spider monkey. The monkey was raised by humans because it's mom was shot by a hunter. Once we hear this, Frank asks if we want to see that. Of course we say yes, so soon after all of us were off to another farm where they had given their monkey too. After we arrive, it seems that no one is home except for the children, but they still show us the cage. It is outside, has a tree in it, a fence around with a electric fence so that it can't crawl out. Linds pointed out if the monkey wanted to, it could climb the tree and jump out. Well the monkey is just not that smart. Eventually Linds and I ask if we can go into the pen with the monkey. I look back at this and think why? Considering before we had gone in, we had seen the monkey get mad at the little boy and attack him. When I say attack, I mean he would scratch and bite his legs. The monkey got mad for some reason. Well anyways, Linds and I still decide to go in. Right when we get in the monkey goes towards Linds. We are both wearing skirts and the monkey begins to climb hers. Linds doesn't like this so she tries to get the monkey off. This angers it, and the monkey just begins to scratch and bite her. I was so scared, I backed into the corner of the cage thinking “I have to get out of here, the monkey is going for me next.” I thought this because through the gate the monkey had been grabbing at my skirt trying to eat it. I figured once he was done with Linds he would want my skirt. At first Linds is quite calm, but she becomes increasingly freaked out and tells the boy to get the monkey off. For a few moments, he just watches. I am very proud of Linds tho, if that was me, instantly I would be crying and screaming. She didn't scream once. The boy manages to get the monkey to attack him, while I sneak out. Linds told me later that she really began to panic when I left because once I was out the monkey kind of went back to her. Thank God both of us got out safely, and Linds only has a few purple bruises (it didn't break the skin). Frank and Bertha didn't really get the scariness of the situation, but to try and remedy it, they took us to another home and showed us the pretty parrots.
Once we returned home, Bertha made a dinner of rice, beans, chicken, vanilla pudding, and fresh oj. One of Linds favourite foods is rice, beans and chicken. Let's just say she ate herself to a new weight. There were 5 chicken bones on her plate, and I know she had at least 3 helpings of rice and beans. She is a tank. After dinner we went upstairs to no internet again. It broke again so the computer was in the shop. So I entertained myself by doing my family studies ILC course. I spent the rest of the evening till bedtime showing Linds all my pictures of my family and friends that I have on cds. She has all the names and the order memorized now. She did that by herself. Except it was really funny, because she would always get Annie, Carolyn, and Sandra mixed up. She would see Annie in one picture, ask her name, and then in the next picture Annie would be there again, and she would be like whose that. It was really funny. After those festivities it was 10:23pm and I went to bed.

Another Day, Another Journal

Date: April 15, 2007
Time: 10:14pm

It is sunday night so you can guess what I am going to write about. If you guessed church, your right. We went to Kathy's church again because her pastor really wanted us to come tonight.

I do not know where to go from here. I am frustrated. I left church tonight just feeling really not satisfied. I took good notes from the pastor, I worshiped, I prayed, but I did not get to the same level. I have been to this place before. Where I feel like I have come to a stalemate. I remember having times like these in my old youth group. I would get so frustrated, wondering what I did wrong, wondering why other people were being touched and I wasn't. A few times it would get to the point where I would just quit because I wouldn't be able to handle the disappointment. Although during one of these points, I turned to a friend who told me of a verse that I remember today. I actually still have my notes I wrote after that little coming together.
Acts 2:17 –>all people
In the last days, God says, I will pour out my spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams.
When I feel jealous of what God is doing in other people's lives, or during worship when I feel like I can't get any further, I must remember that God wants to pour out his spirit on all people. God is not a favourer of anyone.

The following words are taken from my own hand at a youth retreat on May 3, 2006. “I can't get frustrated thinking that I'm missing out. God is right there. He's just happy that I'm going after his presence. God's voice is very near to me. His words are in my mouth and in my heart so that I may obey them. God's word/instruction/guidance are all reachable, are all near.”

After tonight, I am really beginning to feel the difference in spiritual levels. This might not be exactly, but this is how it feels. Most of the people in our group began having a living relationship with God last sunday. They had never really encountered God. This is not where I am at. I had already experienced these things. I am at the point where I just need to grow. I am already planted. I am at the point where I am telling God my life is his. They are not there yet. I now feel tonight that God is saying to me: how badly do you want me? Are you going to give up again? You can do it, follow me. Come to me. You know you want me now. Just come. I want to take you to a new level. To answer the questions that you have. To answer your prayers.
I no longer believe I am caught in a stalemate. I believe God is telling me to grow. He first gave me a taste of his presence so that I would go after him. And now that its not so easy to receive from him, he wants to know if I am going to stick around, or give up. This is crunch time if you will. I know that I need to just keep seeking his face and then God will reward me. I know I need him. This is a good place to be in.

Although, I still need a little encouragement so I turn to James 1. “Consider it a sheer gift friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith life is forced to open and show its true colours. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in anyway. If you don't know what you're doing, pray to God. He loves to help.” As well as 2 Corinthians 12:7-10: “My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Life isn't always pleasant, but it is for our own good. Whatever you are going through, let God's strength hold you up. There may be things for you to learn, things for you to do, ways you can be an example to others as you let God strengthen you in your weakness. Don't worry about the next day. Ask God to give you the strength for this day. Let him show you that He is a faithful God, and you can trust him.”

I really believe God gave Mr.K's wife these verses just for me. I believe that I have something to learn, things that God wants me to do, and ways that God will make me an example. Tonight during worship I was obedient to God and bowed down. Once I opened my eyes, I saw that Meg, Ben, Laura, and I think Rachel and Liesl were all bowing down too. Maybe my spiritual growth will help those around me. I do not know. I am just going to go with the flow.

Tomorrow I will try to be a blessing. I want to be agreeable, sympathetic, loving, compassionate and humble. (1 Peter 3:7-10)

A Good Day – April 14, 2007

Today has been a good day. I woke up and had a breakfast of eggs, bacon and an oatmeal muffin. Soon after the team left to go to the market and a pool called Banana Bank. I decided to stay home again so that I could work on my ILC course. Once I was alone (well except for Cory our kitten) I took a shower. After that I set up my laptop on the desk with Cory fast asleep on the mat. After a little while of working I went on msn. Soon after, Steve comes online. I had not talked to him on msn since last Friday. I hadn't received an e-mail from him since Sunday. I hadn't talked to him on the phone since not last sunday but the sunday before that. Let's just say I was a little more than happy to chat with him.

I talked with Steve on msn with our headsets till lunch time at 12:30 for me. Then we both decided that eating lunch was important, so we disconnected the convo and both made lunch. After lunch I continued to talk to Steve while I worked on my correspondents. Eventually he got bored of doing absolutely nothing, and began to work on his homework. Soon after that I finished my Key Question #5. With Steve's encouragement, I decided not to do the Unit Key Question and to instead type out the journals I wrote during my week in Mennonite land. Too bad by that time it was dinner time for Steven and he had to go. Well life goes on, and I continued to work diligently on my journals because Steve really wanted to read them.

When I was close to finishing my journal Nathan walks in the door. But where is everyone else, I asked. He told me that they had stayed at the pool but he wanted to go home to do some things. I got to see pictures of the pool they went to, it was really nice. And they didn't even have to wear one pieces. So basically, we are for sure going back there. Then Nathan noticed that the water pressure was really low in the house and he suggested we go for a walk to the water tower thinger to flick the switch which will suck water from the river for the whole camp. On our way there we noticed Ellis was doing exactly what we were planning to do, so instead we went to talk to Kathy in the kitchen. We asked her about our letters that we had given her to send out to our special friends in Canada (Steve and Tori). She told us that it takes 2-3 weeks for them to arrive, but she did put them in the mail a little while ago. I am really excited for Steve to receive his letter.

Anyways, well we ended up walking with Kathy towards her house where I got to talking about the arrangements that needed to be made for my family who are coming down on sunday for 2 weeks. We figured out that they are going to stay here with us on the YWAM base. Larry will probably help out with the vehicles that need fixing, my mom will sew curtains for the houses, and Angie will find something to do. I am so excited to see them.

Well anyways, later on this night at 7:30pm we had devotions. That was pretty fun. But the part that I really liked the best was when Mr. K's wife spoke. She has been here with us for a week now and she just had a few words of encouragement for us. She said to us that while she was praying she was really thinking of us. Some of us had really difficult weeks, some had really good weeks. I really like these verses she found in the Message Bible. I want to type them out, but they are a little long, so these are the ones she picked out James 1, 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, and 1 Peter 3:7-10.

One thing I took from what she said was that God gives us enough strength for each day. So we have to ask for it every day. But I really like these verses, so I will just skim them for the parts I really liked. From James 1: “Consider it a sheer gift friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith life is forced to open and show its true colours. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don't know what you're doing pray to God. He loves to help.” From 2 Corinthians 12:7-10: “My grace is enough, it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Life isn't always pleasant, but it is for your own good. Whatever you are going through, let God's strength hold you up. There may be things for you to learn, things for you to do, ways you can be an example to others as you let God strengthen you in your weakness. Don't worry about the next day. Ask God to give you the strength for the next day. Ask God to give you the strength for this day. Let him show you that He is a faithful God, and you can trust Him.” I confess that was the whole verse and so is this: 1 Peter 3:7-10. “Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble.... Bless—that's your job, to bless. You'll be a blessing and also get a blessing.”

After devos I found Meg on the porch and after a little bit of chatting, I found myself standing ankle deep in our pool filling up. Meg, Stan, Nathaniel and I were just splashing a little bit in the pool, when after we shook hands not to I might add, splashed me a little too much. So I got him back. It became a huge thing and I got soaked. But I took Meg down with me. I took one hose and just soaked her head to toe. Then Nathaniel and Stan just soaked up with the hose, so we decided to just go for a swim, in our clothes I might add. It was soo fun. I loved it. Meg and I just totally cooled down. The water could barely cover my whole body and yet I was sliding around, and just having so much fun. In general, this has just been such a good day. And I am truly thankful.

Things I need to pray for every day:
- Pray for strength to endure the tests and challenges
- Pray that these challenges would help me mature and develop, without deficiency
- Pray for guidance, I do not know what I am doing, I do not know where I am going
- Pray that I would learn what I need to learn, do the things I need to do, be the example I need to be
- Pray that I would be agreeable, sympathetic, loving, compassionate, humble and to be a blessing as I am blessed

Last Day of First Week of Placement 2 – April 13, 2007

Too lazy to write sentences.. here is what I did:

- Woke up
- Packed
- Breakfast
- Jeany picked me up
- School till 3:00pm
- Bertha made dinner early because we were getting picked up early
- We went to where Frank was working in the fields to tell him were going to eat dinner
- Frank gave us free chips and WD's juice (so good)
- We returned, got ready for dinner, right as we are to sit down, the bus pulls up
- We shovel down dinner, which was soo good, caserole and corn, then we packed said goodbye and were off
- returned to the base
- went on the internet
Twas good.

Mennonite Land Day 4 - April 12, 2007

Today I woke up at 6:30am. I had a nice warm shower. I made lunch for school of peanut butter and jam sandwich and chips. My breakfast was toast and cornflakes. I was picked up again by Jeany. All day today I marked books, I tested 2 girls with multiplication flashcards, and I finished my math equations that I needed to do for an answer key.

Lunch was pretty fun. Every day during breaks and lunch I will go outside and sleep on the bench. Well more like lay down and rest on it. I also have taken advantage of their computer, so I will play freecell (my favourite pastime out here pretty much) and listened to Hillsongs.
At the end of the day I helped Raquel with arithmetic. She is a teacher who is self-teaching herself this course. It is high school level math so I can help her with it. It was so funny because I helped her, but I would forget certain things. So the first time, for a couple questions, I would teach her it all wrong. We would laugh at me, and we would continue on once we looked at the answer key. I actually had so much fun helping her.

Funny story. It was the end of the day and I was ready to go home. But before I could I had to close the windows in the school. So I did, but then I came to these really old ones. Well I couldn't figure them out, so I asked Miss Tina. Well she basically laughed at me because I couldn't do it. So I went back to show her I could do it. They are the craziest thing. You have to move this stick back, then the window comes crashing down. It was so fast I screamed. The top one is stationary, and the bottom one comes down. It was trippy.
I left school at 4:15ish and once we got home Linds and I asked if Bertha would take us to the ice cream place. She did. We got a double scoop of strawberry and blueberry. The blueberry was soo good. For dinner we had pizza, milk rice and fresh OJ. The milk rice was just a cold mixture of the 2, really sweet, and your supposed to put cinnamon and sugar in it. I tried a little, it tasted like rice pudding. We finally got internet here. That was nice. I am leaving school early tomorrow, I actually get to leave when its done, so at 3:00.

Mennonite Land Day 3

I woke up today at 6:45am to mooing cows. They are soo loud. I had a warm shower. I went down for a delicious breakfast of pancakes, cereal, orange juice, and corn flakes. Before we were even down eating the student who is to pick me up arrived. Jeany (pronounced Genie) picked me up with her truck, her little brother Phil was in the back. This girl was in grade 8 but she honestly looked like my age. Well anyways, after a short drive we arrived at Jireh. I began by correcting the work of kids and helping to answer their questions. The principal / teacher who I mainly work for is Miss Tina. Later on recess came. There was 2 games that most of the kids were involved with either ultimate Frisbee or volleyball.
I ended up playing ultimate Frisbee with the kids. But after a little while it got so bad I couldn't play. The one team was made up of mostly older, more athletic girls who would only pass to the other girls like them. It was a brutal one sided game, and it was blazing hot. This week it has been so hot, 40°C almost everyday.

I stayed late today, till about 1:30. But today was only a half day, so school ended at 12. Every Wednesday is a half day. By the end of the day I had cleaned the windows, completely many math word problems, and typed up sentences for Michelle one of the special needs girls in Tina's class. Michelle and her sister were adopted by Miss Tina's aunt. They believe both girls have alcohol fetus syndrome.

I went to Cayo today. It is a resort with 3 different pools and an internet cafe. It is 50 Belize cents for 15 minutes, $1 Belize for 30 minutes, and $1.50 Belize for 60 minutes. We had the best dinner. We went to this restaurant that we went to at the beginning of the trip, I got a cheeseburger with fries and sprite. Yummy. Linds and I want to return to that hotel we went to for a night. It looked so cool. It is only $5 Belize to swim and $100 Belize a night. Later on that night we got ice cream and it was really good.

Mennonite School Day 1 – April 10, 2007

I have just returned from the school Lindsay will be working at for the next two weeks. My school was closed today, so we both worked at hers today. It is a little after 3pm. Once we got home, Bertha took us out for ice cream at Western Dairy. Western Dairy is the company which makes all of Spanish Lookout's milk products (and they are all so good). Lindsay and I have already been here once before with the whole group and their ice cream is amazing. When we arrived I noticed a little development, they had a freakin' drive thru. In Spanish lookout... a Mennonite community. It was hilarious. Well anyways this time we got an vanilla Oreo milkshake for $4 Belize. Twas sweet.

I guess I should have started with the beginning. Well we began with the day by eating breakfast with Frank and Bertha. We had eggs with bacon bits, toast, orange juice (fresh), corn flakes and real milk!! Up till then I had had powdered milk. It tasted so good. Well after breakfast we were picked up by Alvina who is the principal of Lindsay's school. Once we arrived at the school we went to devos in the high school classroom. Following that we were given stacks of paper to sort into different booklets. Then for most of the day we laminated books. Fun stuff. Closer to the end of the day after lunch we drilled the grade one and two class with flashcards.

Then we were sent to a little older classroom and the teacher left us in charge. They have the craziest system with the kids. They have flags that they put up when they need something from the teacher. So they were like dead silent, working hard. So Linds and I turned around and went back to what we were doing. Periodically I would look back at the kids to check if they were working. Well after doing this a few times, I finally realized why they were all staring at us. Every flag was up, but none of them dared to speak up. It was so cute. Well after that I leaped up and helped out every kid. They have the craziest system set up there. Kids get their work books and once they finish a page, there is a little box at the bottom that says did you score your work . So the kids have to lift their flag, wait for the teacher, and then they ask if they can score their work. When they are allowed, they get up, go to the marking desk, find their answer key, and check their own work. They do this for every assignment. If there is wrong answers they have to go back and do it again. Then once its perfect a teacher checks it over and puts a circle at the bottom of the page to show its done. Honestly, I don't know how to put it except for that the kids are really well trained. It flows like clockwork. I also noticed that it seems like the kids are always working and whatever they don't get done in a day is written down on homework sheets and has to be done. Everything is done independently. Every child has their own little workstation that faces the wall, with two little blinders on each side.

Well anyways, after school the grade one teacher asked Bridget, one of her students, mom if she would drive us home. So we rode in their truck home. Tomorrow I am going to be picked up by a student and taken to my school which is called Jireh. I need to bring a lunch, and Linds only has a half day (lucky bum).

Later on that evening..
It is almost bedtime and Lindsay and I are tired. We had a delicious dinner of chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, bread, blueberry pie and ice cream. Tonight we played Phase 10 with Bertha (she loves this game). Lindsay had never played but she ended up with the best score, although, not to brag, but I won. It was really fun tho because we ate popcorn and almond Hershey kisses. It was so funny. Frank is actually useless. Linds and I love him to death, but he is actually useless. When Bertha asked him to make us popcorn, he comes out with it, and its burnt. The microwave has a popcorn switch but he felt that he was smarter than the microwave and put it longer. He also brought out a delicious combination of chocolate syrup, chunky cream, and if we wanted to put it in sugar. Once he left, we all confessed to not liking it. It was supposed to be chocolate milk, it was so funny. But like I said, we love him. They could be my grandparents I love them so much.

After Phase 10 we went inside and all of us sat at the table including Frank. Bertha took out her photo album which has her entire family tree (its so big). She had pictures from her grandparents, her parents, Frank's parents, her brothers and sisters, their kids, her kids, grandchildren, Frank's siblings, and their kids.

We also talked about their 50th anniversary park naming ceremony which is happening next Monday. The name Lindsay and I picked was Spanish Lookout Park which is by far the best of out 100. Anyone could submit, so there was some really funny ones like Minny Jinny Park, 50 years Park, Near Traffic Part, and so on.

Mennonite Church Chat with Bertha and Frank

It is 7:01am in the morning and I am pretty much ready to go. I have my beige skirt on, my old navy t-shirt and my hair up in a towel. I actually had a warm shower this morning. It was an odd sensation. I really wasn't used to it anymore. I can smell bacon, I believe Bertha is cooking us Bacon and Eggs. I just went into Lindsay's room to wake her up, but she was not there. I think she is downstairs helping Bertha cook.

After yesterday's church service I came back with a lot of questions. Bertha and Frank seemed open enough, so I began to ask them questions about their church. When Lindsay and I first entered the church we both said that we felt naked. Most woman had a head covering, all were wearing dresses that had sleeves to at least half their upper arm, some to the elbow. Every female's hair was slicked in the front and then those without head covering would wear a clip or pony tail near the middle back of their heads, and then another one further down. Bertha told us later that this is just the way they learned how to style their hair. Instantly I noticed that many people were staring, especially guys and children. The church was packed so Lindsay and I got to sit in one row, while Bertha sat in a row two in front of us, and then one of her daughters sat in the row in front of us. I then noticed that the males sat on one side while the females sat on the other side. Lindsay said she noticed this first. Later on when Lindsay and I asked our questions about the church service, I asked why they do this. Bertha said it has always been this way. Bertha wishes she could sit with her husband.

The first thing Lindsay and I really wanted to know about was the significance of the head covering. I didn't even know what it was called. They told us that it is written in the bible 1 Corinthians 11:5-6. Frank told us that some girls get out of wearing the head covering by claiming verse 15 which says that if a girl has long hair she doesn't have to wear one. The head covering is for church members and married woman. She told us that the head covering is moreso just for prayer and church, but she finds it easier to just wear it all the time. Just put it on and forget about it. They also wear the head covering to honour their husbands.

In the Mennonite community most of the woman do not wear wedding rings. Bertha didn't understand the significance of a ring. She said that the head covering is the symbol that she is taken. They don't wear jewelery at all. Frank told us that a lot of things are just how they grew up. He thinks that these things don't really make a difference so they are not worth fighting or arguing about. This is just the way they were brought up.

One thing I want to point out is that not all Mennonite churches are the same. The church we went to is the very first. It was a very big church that split in 4 spreading around Spanish lookout. They all believe the same things. There are some Mennonite churches where they can wear their hair down, have wedding rings and so on. Also anyone can leave the Mennonite church when they want, they can get out of membership. Although there are some people who found the Mennonite church to be too strict. They left making tons of new churches around Spanish lookout.
One funny thing Linds and I just asked for interest sake was how their teenagers date or ultimately find who they are going to marry. We asked this because in church, they don't sit near each other or talk to each other after service. When do they get to know each other? Bertha told us that she met her husband by working at the shop. But the main way teenagers would meet is because they all would walk everywhere. So for example, Frank would ask to walk with her. So cute eh?

The final observations I made about this specific Mennonite church was that they sung German, Spanish and English hymns. There was a lot of talking in German near the end of the service. Even when they spoke English, Lindsay and I couldn't even tell the difference because their accents are so thick. This is a German community, where the kids learn German first, then English at school. The church night ended with Lindsay and I riding in the back of the pick-up (by choice) with Bertha's grandchildren. Let's just say it was hilarious. Hopefully we didn't wake up all of Spanish lookout with our animal noises. :D

Mennonite Living 101

I am here at my new placement. A Mennonite home indeedy. When we arrived at the house, I was greeted by an older couple. The female was born in 1945, so that makes her 62 years old. That's right we are staying with grandparents. They have 8 children who have moved out and all are married but one. They are living in Manitoba, Ontario, and Belize. They have 19 grandchildren. My bad, I am blanking out on there last name and her husband's first name. But the ladies name is Bertha. Anyways, so we arrived and after the introductions were made, our bus pulled away. We were taken on a tour of the house, it is quite small, but we get the whole upstairs to ourselves. Lindsey and I have separate rooms, but if we want to we can share a bed/room. After the tour we were taken into their bedroom where we sat down in an airconditioned room and talked. There was awkward pauses but I could tell that both parties didn't know really what to say. We kept conversation as best as we could. The lady was really interested to know that I have 11 in my family considering that she is from a family of 11. She is quite friendly, except her English isn't too good. She mostly speaks German, so she can hold a conversation, she will just blank out on words now and then. It is 5:30pm here.. I believe we are going to have dinner very soon. We have been given some time to go upstairs and rest before dinner. I do not know what is for dinner. After dinner I believe we are going to a Mennonite Easter service. Apparently it will be held by the youth. Don't know what that means exactly. I asked if it will be in German, and they said that 80% or more should be in English. Woot woot a German hymn party. But I am open, so we shall see. Lindsey really doesn't want to go, so hopefully I can convince her otherwise we might have a conflict in interests. I just feel bad if we didn't go. They really don't know what to do for us but they are really friendly. I don't think she really considers their perspective. I also found out that they do not have internet here. That is dandy. I guess I will have to entertain myself by my ILC course and Lindsey. Hopefully her and I can become friends. I am not going to lie, we never really talk. We are not friends. We don't have very much in common at all. She is now in her bedroom, laying on her bed, door closed, listening to Mitch Hedberg (a very funny comedian). I really don't know what to say concerning Lindsey. She doesn't want to be here. She hates wearing skirts. She really isn't open to anything at all. Dinner Time. I shall be back later.

Well its official. We are going to the Mennonite Easter service. I have 15 minutes so I am going to write this quickly. We ate a light dinner of bread, ginger cookies, cinnamon rolls, dinner rolls, and a milk soup. It is a Mennonite specialty. It is very sweet and has fruit floating in it. Tonight we had cherries. It tasted kind of like melted ice cream, I tried it, but it kind of tripped me out.. it was weird.. soup and milk.. couldn't handle it. But it was pretty tasty. Alvina ate dinner with us. She is the principal of one of the schools we are going to work at (Lindsay's school). She is Kathy's (YWAM) friend. Alvina told us that tomorrow my school is actually still on holidays so I will actually be going to Lindsay's school. Tomorrow she will pick us up and drive us, but she said after the kids get to know us we are actually going to hitch rides with students driving to our schools. They do not have a bus system yet, and Lindsay and I are going in different directions. So basically tomorrow morning I have to be ready by 7:30am to be picked up. I am kinda but not too worried about being picked up by a stranger. Considering the fact that it is a small community, and that I will recognize the children, so I will just hitch a ride to school. Whatev. That's not for tomorrow. Alvina also told me that Lindsay and I can wear shorts and tank tops at home, but when we are out in the community, we should wear sleeves and skirts to our knees. They accept other people's dress codes, but Kathy believes it would be best, to dress as they do considering we are in their community. I am not going to sweat it, its only for 2 weeks. Since I do not have internet, my entertainment for the evenings will probably be Phase 10 with Bertha, ILC courses, and dishes after dinner. Whatever. I am here for the life experience. I just hope Lindsay can handle all this. I best be off. Time for church. Peace.
Oh and by the way.. if you know nothing about Mennonites.. they do drive in cars.. but they also wear head cloths and full dresses. Alvina even has a cell phone. Most houses have electricity and running water and all that. Most have internet, this house just has the internet down right now. Anyways, more will come later. Till tomorrow.. I'm off.

The events that have passed this evening are beyond words... but I will try to explain.

The Power of The Cross Sunday, April 8 2007
The divine exchange – Isaiah 53:5. He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. When Jesus died on the cross, a divine exchange occurred. We received peace and healing, he received pain.

Wherever you take me ... I will follow

What has God done for me? Where was my life before God? What was my breaking point?
- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian --> Satan goes to church every week
- We need a pinnacle time, where the holy spirit squeezes us, and we realize how sinful and dirty we are --> even if we have been a relatively “good person”, we really don't know... till we come to that point

When Jesus was being tested and hurt in all situations.. coming at him from all sides.. love came out. He said forgive them, they do not realize what they do. I can do the same, I can love in all situations. When people do not realize what they do, when they don't realize how they hurt, I can pray this prayer. I can learn to love in all situations, no matter how agonizing or overpowering, I can come out loving and with self-control.

Galatians 3:13 – He became the curse to break it. God had to turn his back from Jesus. Jesus was perfect. He had never been separated from God before. He could not look at his son with all that junk on him. God despised his own son. I picture Jesus literally blackened, his skin dark with our sin. God couldn't even look at him. How much would that hurt? It's like a little kid when they get a parent angry at them. They feel so bad. It hurts so bad to see their parents angry face. Times that by a million for Jesus.

I need a living relationship. It can become normal and almost natural to pray, to talk to God all the time. My passion does not have to die. The worship leader said that he married his wife 17 years ago and he loves her more today than ever before. He said the same is with his relationship with God. I can live my life.. driving my car.. just talking to God. It doesn't have to be super spiritual. It can just come naturally. I just have to work at it. To exercise my faith muscle. Faith is a real thing. It is not unattainable, it does not have to come down in huge prayer sessions, or anything fancy, it can just be worked on.

It was religious people who killed Jesus. Many of our problems are caused by religion, rigidness, just going through the motions and the emotions. God can be new and exciting every time I come into his presence. Church is not supposed to be boring.

When I am going through hell... Lord Jesus I receive the power of the cross
I need to pray this by faith. I will never experience the power of the cross till he's on the inside. I need to access it by faith. The cross is the place of death to myself, that I may have Jesus live through me. I choose to die, to die to myself, that you may live in my life. I need to die to myself daily. I can learn about the power of the cross as I call it down in my life.

Faith is a muscle, it needs to be exercised.. especially the power of the cross. The pastor told us that this worked for him. Toss out what doesn't work, hold fast to what does. This does work. Even when I feel it doesn't work I need to keep doing what God called me to do... to keep praying this power of the cross. When I don't feel anything – practice! Keep on doing it.. it will work. Exercising by faith – I need to practice. I can lay hands on my own head or heart and pray for the power. Paul's faith was centered on dying to himself daily and praying for the power.

Worms and beads can't stop me! It's stupid – He's defeated!

I know now that I need to go to a ministry school, or at least a program. I can't just go to a Christian university. I need to go to a place where I will be taught how to access God more fully. I am not ready to lead. I need more time to find out exactly where God is going to send me. I believe a one year ministry program will be best. I need to build my relationship with God. Listening to the pastor tonight.. inspired me.. I want to be like him. But first I need to exercise my faith muscle. I am still such a beginner Christian. I need some time to just get away, to listen to God's voice and to grow.

Tonight was an amazing night. The whole team (cept 2 peeps) came together under what I will call the God umbrella. After I finished praying, I looked over only to see most of our group huddled together on the floor, in a prayer circle, laying hands on Rachel. Then Rachel suggested we lay hands on Lauren. It was so beautiful. The strongest relationships formed are those with a spiritual base. We will grow together even more. We all know that something huge is going to happen once we return to Canada. God will use us. No doubt about it.
Alex shared her little story with me tonight. I liked it so I will share it with everyone. When the pastor invited everyone up to the front for prayer, Alex said to God that if he wanted to talk to her, he can come to her, she wasn't going up. Well right after that Laura and Liesl sat down beside her. She was praying to herself and everything that she prayer, Laura and Liesl were praying over her. She also asked God to put on this one song, and that happened to.
After worship before the pastor's message, the pastor asked for 3 of us to talk. He asked us to talk about maybe what God has done for us or whatever was on our heart. Well it began with Mr. K pointing at Ben from across the room and so he had to go up and share (because no one was volunteering). He talked about how he has learned that God does speak to us through other people. He talked about Ellis's story. God told Ellis that he would be a pastor, but he wouldn't believe it. He prayed for a sign, that someone would come up to him and tell him that he needs to be a pastor. Well after he prayed that 3 different people that day came up to him and said that. Ben also talked about that church service we went to where the pastor prayed over me and God told him that I had issues with my father. So that was Ben's little blurb. Then Ben sits down and calls out Meg's name. And everyone was like, yea Meg. So she went up and shared. She told us that she grew up in a reformed church and that is was really boring. She talked about while we were in Belize one of our first church services, YWAM was hosting a legacy meeting (basically a teenager conference thinger). She said that that service was amazing for her. Once she had finished, Rachel yelled out Elena's name and it was her turn. She had the same type testimony, reformed church and then the legacy meeting. She said that that was the first time she had ever raised her hand in worship. She saw girls and boys just crying, breaking before God. She said that that was amazing for her.

Well then it was my turn. I had already felt that I should go up since the beginning invitation. But I didn't have anything specific to say, so I waited. I told myself that I would go up if someone called out my name. Well sure enough, Rachel yelled out my name next. I told them that I had already had an experience like the legacy meeting at home. That I used to go to a youth group and I was really close with God. But I fell away. I left that youth group, I read my bible less and less, and my prayers were short.. just terrible. Then I told them that I have come here to Belize. How from the first church service, God basically told me that it is okay that I fell away. He told me that he wants to work with me as I am.. right here. And that's when I said to God that I am going to follow wherever he leads me. My life is his alone. I will follow him.

The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he had made. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watched over all who love him. Psalm 145:13b-20a

My Desires:

- to know what school I am to go to in the fall
- to know which area of ministry I am to enter
- to finish my ILC courses
- to find a job where I will make enough for university and be able to hang out with Steve, Friends, and Family
- to pay back TD
- to see my brother in a good group home
- to see my mother find a partner who loves and appreciates her as she deserves
- to see my family grow spiritually
- to see healing in the relationship between my father and siblings
- to be able to look back at where I was on the beginning of this trip and feel proud of how I have grown
- to become a mature and well rounded adult
- to have healthy relationships

He satisfies the desires of every living thing.. he is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made.. he upholds me... lifts me up.. he is near me.. he is watching over me..

Chill Sesh

I will update you on my life because I have some free time now. Well there is a lot of cool things going on so I will start with the beginning. Ringworm = almost gone... tiniest bit left. Oh, and I met the sweetest guy ever. His name is Cody. He has the coolest eyes. And he is really affectionate with the girls. He is actually going to be living with us, hopefully for the full 2 months left. He likes wafer cookies and chips, but his favourite food is tuna. We found him outside Ian's house and he sleeps with the girls at night. Haha, I am a nerd I know. Basically, the truth is, Cody is our new kitten. How awesome is that? About half of our group was working with this guy Ian from the base, on the land for his new house, and they found this kitten and said we could have it. It is sooo cute. Anyways, yea so where am I know? Sitting at the computer desk, at 2pm, all alone, except for Cody. Be proud of me. Today I finished my second key question from my ILC. The whole group is out for the day. I asked my teacher if I could stay here and work on it. Determined to get going on it. Some peeps think I am crazy. So today I am missing the Belizean zoo, subway, a movie/bowling mayhaps, beach and picking up Mr.K's wife from the airport. Sounds pretty bad eh? But so far I am actually really enjoying it. I feel good for getting stuff done and I get some alone time. Quiet time. I still have the pool outside so probably a 4ish I will go for a swim. I am going to get done the things I have wanted to for a while. And I get to watch little Cody. He is asleep on a blanket. He was beside me, but I moved so I could get an internet connection. Umm.. what else is cool. Oh yea, craziest thing ever. Toothpaste stops bites from itching. Amazing. I was going a little insane itching my legs yesterday.. and today.. I am peachy. And I had the greatest breakfast ever this morning. Although I was one of the ones who had to wake up early and cook it. For whatever reason Lindsey volunteered our team to cook while everyone slept in, we made a big special meal. Whatev. It was good. Anyways, so we ended up having a sit down breakfast. We ate eggs (fried), bacon, toast, bananas, freshly squeezed orange juice, and if you wanted it, papaya (ew). So that's a pretty good update. Saturday is going to be a down day for everyone. Sunday is going to be another outing (I am going to go on that one). We will see the Mayan ruins. That should be better than the crappy imitation ones we saw at that other place. Monday is a big day. I begin my second placement. Mennonite school here I come. Umm.. well I better get back to work. Hope that's a pretty good update. Peace.

Growing Up

The day has reached its hottest point. It is 12:34pm. VBS has finished for the final day and lunch has been eaten. In 25 minutes I will have to be ready to work again. If you haven't seen a pattern for the past 2 days I have been waking up, eating breakfast, going to VBS, lunch then going to work till 4 or 5. The past 2 days I have worked in the work shed sorting wood piles. I have to do this again.
A cool thing happened to me yesterday which you people can take out of it what you will. I was taking nails out of the sorted lumber with a hammer. I got to a point with this one piece of wood where every nail just would not come out. I had been doing the technique Santie (YWAM director) had showed me, the nail on the board was close to the table I had set it on, I was holding the hammer by the handle, I was doing medium hard hits, and I was holding down the rest of the board with my free hand. For a while the technique was working. But then like I said I got to one board. I yelled out to Santie in frustration telling him to do it for me. Every nail was just bending over under the force of the hammer, none were budging in the right direction. So Santie comes over and just prays in Jesus's name. Then he hit the nails straight and right out after like 2 hits. He continued to do this for all the nails. I was amazed. I was a little freaked out I will admit. Alex was too, she was holding the board for him. Well once he had walked away, I went after a new board. Same problem, so I decided to try it. I prayed in my head. Unfortunately, it did not work. So I called Santie back over, and he did it again. He told me all I need to do is pray and God will do it. It was a simple test of faith, so small. Right after this another nail gave me a problem, but I just couldn't pray out loud. I was too afraid to do it. So I just left the board there and did another one. It was a little saddening to realize how small my faith in God is. I believe he can do spiritual works, but when it comes to just simple physical miracles, I prefer to do things on my own. I could not admit to God aloud that I was unable to do it, I could not pray. Phil, Santie's son did the exact same thing with his difficult nails, and then he told me to do it. But I wouldn't. I just laughed it off. I couldn't pray aloud. I had tried once in my head, and I didn't want to make a fool of myself and try again. To be honest, I know it would have been good for me to see that I can do it too. Well Phil just kept on encouraging me, although when he prayed he did it in his head. Which made me think, why can't I do it? But I realize that it is because Phil has faith. I admit it full well, I have such a small faith in the miraculous. I still have the dogma of cynicism in my veins. I am still working out my own disbelief and fear of being “too religious”. I will probably doing the nails again today, maybe I will have the faith to do it now. Maybe...
On a less serious note, during VBS I had 2 girls come up to me. They were older, probably ages 8-10. The asked me my name, and then once I told them, they said to me, “Hannah, your really tall.” I laughed pretty hard. Darn my smele genes. Jokes. Nah I love being a smele. Anyways, just to build me up a little more, one said that I am really pretty too. Lol.
Another little thing that happened to me today was after VBS. Nathaniel (another student on the trip) came up to me and he said that I worked really well with the kids. He said that he saw them all smiling with me. And he loved my train thinger. He asked me if I have even been a camp counselor and even told me that maybe I should work at Circle Square Ranch (where Liesl and him work). I still have no idea where God is calling me, but if Mr.K is right about this whole camp counselor vision or whatever, then Nathaniel is just a little hint in the right direction. Who knows? I really don't. I just want to come out of this trip knowing where I am to go, and connected to God.

April 4, 2007

Today was an interesting day. It began with a failed attempt to wake up early and devos. I set my alarm clock for 6am, woke up, turned it off, and made the conscious decision to go to bed. I feel that I have very little free time lately. My whole day is spread apart well enough that I have about an hour in between each interval. I wake up, go to prayer for VBS, VBS, then an hour, lunch, then an hour, back to work till 4 or 5, then dinner, then an hour or two till devos, then an hour or two till bed.

VBS was pretty good today. My group went from 7 kids to 18 today. We had the same schedule, singing, bible study, sports, craft, snack and singing. It was so cute today. Rachelle told the kids to line up behind me holding onto each others shoulders. Before I knew what I was doing, I had begun a conga line with a few kicks and cha chas. Then we morphed into a train. It was all the kids, and they were going choo choo with me. It was cute.
Lunch today was really yummy. We ate pizza and salad. So good. I haven't had pizza except once here in Belize and it was yummy.
I worked today after lunch with Santie (YWAM director), Rachelle and Alex. We were told to sort lumber, but I preferred to take nails out of the wood, so I did that. I had a lot of fun listening to music and hanging out with the girls.
I am now in bed, it is 10:44pm and I am tired. We are listening to Mitch Hedberg, very funny comedian. Too bad he is dead. :( Anyways I am tired. Today was a good day. Peace

Clean Machine

I have just finished having a major cleaning session. I put my clothes in the washing machine, took my towels out of the dryer and completely scrubbed my body from head to toe... lets just say I feel good. Anyways, lets start with what I did today:
- Woke up
- Ate breakfast (toast and scrambled eggs)
- Prayer before VBS
- VBS
- Sorted wood
- Swam in Pool
- Clean Fest

That is my day so far. I will be having hamburgers for dinner tonight. Anyways, VBS, today that was pretty cool. I was one of three leaders in charge of one of three groups aged 5 - 7. My other group leaders were Rachelle and Stan. We ended up having about 9 kids I think, I am not too sure. We began the day by gathering all the groups and singing a few songs. We did some fun camp songs and one worship song – trading my sorrows. Then my group went to bible study as part of a rotation. The bible study began with a fun drama – not religious in anyway just funny. Then came the puppets. Mr. K and Alex had puppets who they named Belizean Bob and Ywammy. It was hilarious to hear Mr. K's voice like that. Then Opa came in and read the children the beginning part of the Joseph's story. Once the half hour was over we rotated over to the sport's area. The leaders had to participate as well, so we played simon says, and red light green light. After that we went to crafts and made this circular thinger with a bible verse on it and they got to decorate it with gems and sparkles. Then we returned to the main room to have more singing and a final drama. Then the kids were dismissed and we went to lunch. After lunch Crystal, Rachelle, and I were told to sort out the wood in the work shed. This was while another group of 10 had to shovel and do landscaping stuff. We listened to music, drank water/kool aid, ate popcorn and sorted wood. It was actually pretty fun. I am quite tired so I do not know how I am going to get my ILC courses done and go on msn... that's a toughy. So basically, that is the update. Peace.

Just woke up, Worst sleep ever (April 2, 2007)

I have woken up to the call of a wild bird and rain. I am sitting beside Meg on the porch. My ringworm is going away...

Feeling...
Tired - physically: went to bed really late

spiritually: I skipped the evening church service for a movie
- I took very little out of morning devos
- This morning kept trying to sleep in even though I said I would do devos
All of these things were caused because of media, I was watching the movie, or putting music onto my computer from another.

Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me. Psalm 119:133

After Devos...

I came here for God -> not to watch movies, or to listen to music
- I was selfish, let myself go before God
- ignoring my devos time

I need to pray for the children, for the VBS tomorrow – pray for a specific face or word, to have an eye to eye conversation with one of these children, to say something worth while

I am thankful for my back home and for all that I have here – my experiences

Because your love is better than life: I need to realize this, to stop putting him off -> to go where/when I am called

Psalm 46:10 – Be still and know that I am God

- pray about my future / my summer job
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Later on that day...

It is now 8:10 pm and I am sitting here on my bed listening to whip it. Oh 80's. I have learned a few other things today. For example, at lunch, I stumbled into a conversation with Mr. K. We talked about that day when he told me his vision. I told him that I thought it was really random. I asked him if he thinks that is going to be my future career, or at least what he thinks the significance of him telling me that is. He told me that the purpose of a vision is to give to a look into the future, a glimpse, and the only way for this vision to not come to be would be if I didn't follow God's direction for my life. He told me that it wasn't saying that my future job will be a camp counselor and that when this happens in my life I just need to call him. I really don't know what the significance of this is, but Mr. K has been accurate in things in my life that only God could have told him before, so yea, we shall see what happens. The funny thing was that his vision was so clear. He told me that the dock was on the left side of the water. That the camp was in northern Ontario. The kids were swimming in a closed off area in yellow and orange life jackets. He said the water had a little ripple, and that there was coniferous trees surrounding. He told me that he could even tell me the colour of my bathing suit. Whatever this is... we shall see what happens.

Psalm 63

I Sing in the shadow of your Wings...

MY soul Clings To you...

They who seek MY life Will Be Destroyed...

Because your LOVE is better than Life
My lips will Glorify you...

On My Bed I Remember YOU...

March 31, 2007

Nathan's B-day
- eggs, toast, bacon, orange slices
- need to be more healthy (somehow exercise here)

Mr. K
- he just told me that God spoke something to him about me during his morning devos
- he said in one way or another I will be a camp counselor working with kids
- he had a very clear picture in his head of me sitting on a long dock, leaning on my one arm, watching the little children swimming in a closed area
- if this comes true I need to e-mail or call him, wherever he is

Things that come to mind:
- I need to pray about this. Why children? Is this the ministry I am to go into? Children ministry, owning a summer camp.
- That would be fun but random!
- I always pictured myself in a serious setting, but how beautiful would it be to see children come to Christ
- The most valuable to God, well in a way, he said let the children come to me.. faith like a child.. etc.

- Another thought was Beacon Bible Camp – Summer Job? Maybe. Pray about it. God you always surprise me! I don't even know you Lord. I am so dumb, blind, out of it.

March 31, 2007

I woke up this morning on the roof of a house in Belize (Albert, the principals). A bird woke me up with its annoying caw every minute sort of like a nature alarm clock (annoying!!).

I am feeling:
- pumped for the Mayan ruins
- lonely... missing Steve and friends back home
- missing family..
- miss getting hyper, feeling loved and worthy to be listened to
- confused about where I am going to go for university
Redeemer sounded fine till Amy pointed out that I should probably go to a ministry school – which is less expensive but is farther away from Steve
- I am afraid to become uber-spiritual, to freak my family out (this might be about me being ashamed again)
...afraid to go to God because of what he might say or ask me to do
...afraid to lose Steve, afraid it was the wrong decision to get into a relationship before I left

Things I did today:

- Mayan Ruins
- Subway
- gave $ to sugar cane men ($200 - 300)

March 30, 2007

Things we did today:
- ate grilled cheese for breakfast
- showered with hose (as I said in a previous blog, feels amazing, the pressure feels like a head massage) although only the hair can be washed which stinks
- Mr. K took Lindsey, Aislin, Lauren, Amy and I to the Sugar Fields where we gave chips/coke we bought for the workers. They work 10 hours a day for $5 American. The chips cost us $20 Belize which is 4 days wages for them.
- Went back to the American couple's house where we painted for another day. We had amazing Chinese food again for lunch. It was soo good, with orange fanta again. We basically stuffed ourselves, it was so yummy.
- Then we went to the beach area, tanned, talked with Emily, and then walked back to the American couple's house with Emily to ask them to use their washroom. While we were there, we began to talk with them about my ringworm and what we think is Emily's parasite. Emily had been barfing a few mornings in a row, and she would feel like crap the rest of the day. So basically, the couple being the great people that they are, took out their books and looked for natural remedies such as papaya seeds. They were soo nice.
- We got back to the principal's house where we ate Macaroni for dinner, and watched Ice Princess. That was soo fun. Everyone was making comments about the movie, laughing together, predicting it. It was hilarious.
- Following that we set up our beds on the principal's roof where we all slept that night. Mr. K thought it would be a cool idea to sleep on the roof, and he said it was alright. So instead of the school, we slept on the roof. It was so beautiful, except the moon was quite bright and the ladies were hyper when I wanted to sleep.

Highlight of the Day: I got my ringworm medication! YAY
Although it takes a really long time to go away apparently and might leave a scar. Poopy.

March 29, 2007

Today began with devos (devotions) on a bench near the beach. Mr. K talked about being thankful for life. He talked about how little we know the earth we are on. How we know more about space than the sea. We can only explore so much, the pressure is too much for us. We talked in our small groups about why we are thankful for life. Mr. K talked about all the blessings we have and even though we think that our life is hard, we still have so much. He told us he is still learning to be glad with what we have. Everything we have is a blessing.

After devos Mr. K asked for a few volunteers to go to this house to paint it. He told us he had met this American couple who had sold everything they owned to move down to Belize because they felt God had called them to open a sort of free learning center/library where anyone of any denomination can come and study the word. Lindsey, my team leader, volunteered us for the job. When we arrived at the house (while everyone else went back to the school we slept at to paint that) I was greeted by this really sweet couple. Right away they offered us banana bread and drinks. Instantly, we clicked with the female who was really homesick and just needed to socialize. She told us her teenage daughters had left 2 weeks ago and she was really missing them.
As the day went on I began to feel really sick. I tried to keep going, painting that is, but eventually I just burst out crying and left. Amy, one of the female chaperons, came out to meet. Once I had calmed down and taken advil, she began to talk to me, basically saying that there is no way I can leave, that I am stuck there, and I have to keep working. Pretty brutal. I return to the house, and begin to work again. Eventually the advil works, and life is good again. That day I had an amazing lunch of the best Chinese food ever. We ate cashew chicken and Orange Fanta (very popular pop, comes in flavours orange and cream soda.
Once we are picked up, we are taken to a new beach which turns out to be narshty. The ground is super mushy, you basically sink once you step in. I refused to go in and just relaxed on the bus with some other girls talking.

Then for dinner we went to a restaurant called the Canucks something or other. The restaurant was quite small, we took up 90% of the tables with our whole group. The service was incredibly slow, even for the amount of people who ordered. By the time they got to my order, they informed me that they had run out of fries and that my options were onion rings or tortilla chips. My meal ended up being a warm sprite, hamburger (very yummy) and tortilla chips with salsa (also pretty good).

The day is over, and being the girl that I am, I have many feelings. I am feeling...

- Crappy: After todays incident with my outburst at the person's house, I was later confronted by Amy again. She told me that she had to report all things to Mr. K, but she had convinced him to let her talk to me instead of him because prior to letting us go, he told us that there is to be no complaining at all while we work, and that anyone who does (including himself) will be doing extra work. Well she basically told me that Godly woman have self-control and if I had asked for the advil right away or to sit down, instead of waiting till my stomach ache was really bad, then we could have avoided my freak out, and then the problem would have been avoided. At first, I was really mad when she said this. But in a way, it makes a lot of sense. She did not ignore my feelings, she said that she would probably have acted the same way, but she said that next time I need to talk to her right away.
- Missing home: feeling lonely often, no close friends, no one to really talk with or get hyper with, can't relate with a lot of people in many things
- Better: I talked to Elena and Emily and they basically told me that they were feeling the same way. Basically feeling lonely even though your in a big group. Not having any close friends in the group and so on.
- Missing Steve: Because my comfort zones are being tested, I am missing his comfort.

- Upset: Ringworm
- still a nasty fungus on my arm
- found what they think is another one on my leg

- Frustrated: with certain girls on my trip who come from the party scene. Right before they left for this trip they were partying it up, getting drunk, etc. They like to talk back sometimes, and just rebel. A lot of the time, they are just acting ridiculous and I don't want any part of them. It can be really immature. They said that they are going to tell Kathy (YWAM director) off on their last day here. And sometimes the topics they talk about are just nasty.

March 28, 2007

I am sitting here reflecting on my day. This is going to be short because I don't have my laptop and I want to sleep. Today I found out that I have ring worm – oh joy! I got it from the kid's at the orphanage. It is not an actual worm, it is just a fungus that makes your skin bubble up in a ring. I have to use a cream and it will probably leave a scar – sweet! Since I don't know have much time I am going to list what I did today:

- had lunch on coast (baloney on white bread)
- spent day on beach (couldn't swim) but apparently there are salt water crocodiles – eek!
- drove to principal's house
- watched brother bear 2
- ate b-day cake for Elena

- drove to school
- set up beds in room (open locker room with gate doors) – joint washrooms with boys and girls because they couldn't get the boys open, foam beds, small room, rats downstairs (where the boys slept), bugs
- showered with hose – awesome! Felt like a head massage or getting your hair washed at a hairdresser, twas amazing.
- early wake up tomorrow

Today I moved past a fear. While we were on the beach, there was a man who was clearly not with it hovering near us. It was obvious that he was waiting for us to slip up and leave our valuables near a place where he could snatch it and run. He traveled from one garbage can to the other, eating the remains of someones lunch, then moving to the other. He would stare at our stuff from afar. I had some cookies left that I didn't want anymore, so I asked Mr.K if it was a good/safe idea to give this man my food. Well Mr.K was super excited and he told me to just toss it to him. Well when I approached the man, he seemed not to understand me, and just kept on walking. So I left my cookies on the bench. Immediately as I walked away Mr. K tells me to turn around and I see the man walking away with my cookies. Mr. K was telling me that the man is rejected by all of society. He is not even a human being anymore. He is a creature to be avoided. Well later on that day when I found out I had ringworm and that it was contagious, I had a taste of what that man might feel. Everyone just got freaked out, and they didn't mean to, but it really hurt my feelings because I felt people were trying to get away from me. Even if they just made jokes about it, I felt really sad. This is also probably how the children at the orphanage feel sometimes too, so I shouldn't be upset that I got close to them. Even if it did give me ringworm, at least I treated them like human beings, and I think it made a difference.