Orphanage Encounter

You cover me with .. you cover me with your love.. Today I was asked to cover the children with my love. Today God really stretched me. It is easy for one to say that if they were in my place they would break down and smother these kids with love. Do not get me wrong, these are the biggest sweeties ever, but the point I am making is that these children are covered with sickness and disease. Their scalps are scabby and literally have green goop film on their heads. Today, I saw a girl popping some kind of sore on another child's head only to have white goop squirt out. They have sores all over which do not heal and being children they enjoy being filthy. Each child has nose drippings, dirty diapers and itchy bodies. One day I came upon the scene of Louis, a 9 month old baby, sitting in his crib and balling his eyes out while flies swarmed feasting on his boogers. He was sweating all over, and his diaper was dirty from crawling around on the ground. To be honest, I couldn't handle it. I left him there. For the past few days after that I could not be around Louis, I was frustrated with the fact that you cannot put him down without crying, and then that scene pushed me off the edge. But like I said today, God stretched me. It was absolutely amazing. It is like I was being hit from all directions with the most disgusting things and all I wanted to do was run away. Today, I was at the park and I looked over at Laquisha (aka Squishy) who was scratching her head profusely, and I was just picturing her green gooey scalp and just the filth that she was spreading. And this was after I had seen a girl pop the sore on the other girls head. Before this I was just sitting on a bench, trying to relax for a few minutes. And these two girls come up to me, and like I said the one started picking at the scalp of the other. They began to tell me about how they all have this disease. Coleen pulled back the hair of the other girl only to reveal yellow crusties, and scabs which she continued to pick at. At this point, I was horrified. I did not want these kids to touch me, I just slipped away and tried to avoid Laquisha at all costs. Although, God had another plan for me. The second I came into Laquisha's radius she wanted to be picked up and held. I confess I tried to ignore her, I tried to keep moving and just avoid her. But like I said, God had another plan. She was persistent. She grabbed my hand and before I knew it she was crawling all over me. This was the beginning of what became a real heart warming experience. I did things today that I told myself I would not do (at least that day). For the first half of the day, Laquisha did not leave me alone. God would not let me shut them out like that. He would not let me treat them like a disease and refuse to love them. So anyways, I went into the recreation room and Squishy leaped onto my lap. She nuzzled into my neck and in the process rubbed her head on me. At first, I was horrified, but God just kept on working on me. Then I was confronted with the idea that I needed to bathe her. Once again I was in an uncomfortable place I did not want to go. I know she is a child, but I didn't want to undress her, I didn't want to bathe her, rub her dirty scalp, or scrub her filthy body. Nisa (pronounced like Lisa) is a fifteen year old who helped me out with this. Although I confess, I did not wash her in any way, I did undress her, and soak her with the hand-held spray nozzle. I know this doesn't seem like much, but the fact was, I could not put up the wall anymore, God was taking me to that personal place. Later on that day, Louis needed a diaper change. I did not realize it at the time, but when a girl handed me the baby, it was so that I would change him because she didn't want to do it. I had told myself that I would never change diapers. I felt that I didn't need to do that, that I was not their mother, and I didn't need to do the dirty jobs. Once again, I believe I was putting up a wall. If I only was a babysitter, then I could go home and pretend that they hadn't touched me in anyway. If I only did the easy jobs, then I could walk away, because I would not be personally involved. So anyways, after I tried to pass him off, I finally sucked it up, and changed him. Right away I found the wipes/diapers. He did not squirm at all, he did not cry, and he was not messy. It was the easiest changing I have ever done. Following that I got a little close and personal to Jackie. This is when I realized that they were really beginning to become dear to me. I decided to take a group of kids to the park, although after a few were invited I had a huge group and I was all by myself. So basically, all these kids took a short cut while I was stuck walking the long way, having no idea if these kids were gonna run away, or what. At this point it was almost three and I was very tired. I reached the park, and after a little while, I wanted to go home. I told everyone we are leaving, but as we started walking home, a couple volunteers from our group popped up saying that they were going to to take them to the park. The kids gleefully run back while I just want to trudge back home. At this point I really want to leave, but I am told that 2 little girls (Jackie and Laquisha) want to go home to go to the bathroom. This means that I have to walk slower and probably carry at least one of them. After a slow walk home, they both go, and the second I am about to relax, Jackie wants to go back. This is the beginning of my realization that I am starting to love these kids. Although I was very tired, and just wanted to lay down, I picked myself back up and walked her all the way back to the park. Once we arrive, I want to turn around and walk back home, but when I tell her I am leaving, she just begins to look down at the ground, and ask me why I don't want to play. This breaks my heart, and I am unable to leave her. Jackie and I continue to chat, when she blurts out that she misses her mom. Personally, I have tried to avoid the parent topic, because although many have parents, most were abandoned, or their parents have died, so I don't ask. But she begins to tell me about how she has only seen her mom twice, and how her parents live in different homes. Her dad apparently is only about 5 minutes from the park, we could see his house from there. I did not find out why she doesn't live with him, but she did say he visits her almost every day. She told me about how she misses her mom, because her mom would always take her to the park. One beautiful thing that really struck me in the face today, was the fact that the older take care of the younger in this home. All these children don't have parents in one way or another, and yet the older ones (only about 7 or so) will carry the younger ones, and just smother them with love and affection. I could not help but picture the aids commercial where the family is walking down the street and the adults slowly start to disappear until there is only children walking carrying other children. This is how I felt today. When I originally took the large group to the park, I talked about how they disappeared down different paths. Well there is this one short cut which is literally a drainage system that they can walk through because it is not rainy season anymore. Anyways, picture this scene. I am walking back from the park. Jackie has already left with some other kids. I walk up to the drainage system. This is basically a concrete pathway, and I walk up and see about 10 kids standing there. I cannot even describe it. The oldest child must have been like 7-10 and the youngest being 3. Two of the youngest ones are crying, one of the four year olds J.R. has a little bit of an anger problem, so when he gets angry he hurts the other children. I was so frustrated and worn out, I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. Right away I told everyone we are going home. But as I was saying before about the older taking care of the younger, it was sort of beautiful, a little shimmer of light in a very trying moment. Coleen (7 year old) hands me Louis (9 month old baby) while she picks up a child in each of her arms and continues to help me encourage the kids to keep walking. A part of me thought it was beautiful, but apart of me was thinking, when did this child get a childhood? I remember being a young girl and enjoying playing mommy with my dolls, but this was extreme. I actually wonder how much growing up here will affect her. What affect does this have on a child? A generation of kids bringing up kids. Its insane. Even later on that day, when I was just walking home two kids I still felt as if I had become apart of the AIDs commercial. I felt that I am still young, I am only 17 and yet, I am one of the authority figure for these little ones. How could I even imagine raising children at this stage of my life, it just really put things into perspective for me. Life is hard. One thing that is cool about this whole experience at the orphanage is that they do not tell us what to do. Everything is voluntary. Usually when one thinks of volunteering they picture someone giving them a list of things to do, that need to get done. Not here. In this way, I have only myself to blame for certain troubles. I could have walked away from Jackie in her time of need. I could have left Louis in his crib till someone else noticed. I could have handed Laquisha to an adult and let them bathe her. When James cut his leg and no one was treating it. I could have let it bleed there, it wasn't that bad. But instead I got some toilet paper, I cleaned it up, and I asked for a bandaid. This is what I mean by putting up walls. I remember my first day there.. all I could think of was the smells, the sickness, you know.. kids coughing in your face.. no soap in the kids washrooms, not enough towels to go around.. beans and rice every day.. and it was horrible. Today was a day of knocking down walls. It was hard, and it still is hard, but I believe that by the end of this I will truly love these kids and not want to leave them. From the second Ben and I walked in these children clung to our legs, they wanted to be picked up. We were strangers, and yet they were so starved for attention and love that they jump on anyone that walks in the door. I left King's Children Home today a better person. I know now, why these adults love these children so much. How they could stay here in this environment day after day, and not go insane. It is crazy, the first day I was so claustrophobic by the tiny space, and millions of children, but now it is a lot better. Like I said, I am really beginning to love these children and even though its hard, God is working on my heart.

“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14