God is Amazing

There is a God who loves me... who wraps me in his arms... and that is the place where I am changed... and that's where I belong. Take me to that place Lord.. to that secret place where.. I can be with you... you can make me like you.. wrap me in your arms.. wrap me in your arms.. wrap me in your arms..

I have returned from church, returned from another church, not the same one I went to last sunday. I came back from that church doubting the message I had received from God during worship and exhausted by the length of the sermon. It was a member of the church preaching because the pastor was sick. The words he spoke were good, but he was extremely repetitive, and talked for an hour and a half. The main message he got across was that we have to sharpen our ax. We need to be connected with the father daily for ourselves and others. We need to be connected through our word which is a double edged sword. When we go to God first in the morning, we receive the wisdom we need for that day, and we receive the joy that comes with being connected to God. When we are connected to God we will be able to go into our daily lives and face that which the supernatural world has sent against us. We will have the words God needs us to speak to whomever. He talked about many things. He talked about how Paul said that he did not fall off the path, he stayed connected. He talked about how Jesus, did his greatest works after he had gone to be with God alone, and connected with him. I need to take the time to grow my relationship with God. Anyways, this relates to the introduction because God is good. I came out of that church so ready to leave, I wanted to get out, and go home. I got home and I didn't want to journal, I didn't want to take the good out of this night, I was a little sick of church. But God wouldn't let that sit with me for very long. Few minutes after I had returned, Mr. K enters the home, he had stayed a little later after the service. He sits me down and says to me that I am Mary from the bible, the one who poured oil on Jesus's feet and washed them with her hair. I could not ignore these words and I was taken back to tonight, that time in worship where I really connected with God, I got to a new place. This really struck me because in my time of worship I had a very brief moment where I was on my knees, fully bent over into my hands, and I could feel my hair in my hands. At this moment I said to God that I am Mary, I am praising Him, and washing his feet with my hair. It was a moment of extreme humbleness. God is amazing. He would not let me forget the moments I had had in worship. He used Mr. K to bring me back and that is why I am journaling now. Mr. K said that Mary, when he said that, represented a willingness to worship God, to just praise him with everything I had type of thing. I can't really explain how right on that was for me, but I will try. Even before church began, I sat in my seat and saw that Beth and Stan were reading their bibles. I figured this is a good idea and I open my bible to the passage where Jacob is wrestling an angel. In this passage Jacob encounters God, and his life is changed forever. This became my prayer. I prayed that God would give to me all that he had for me tonight. That I would have an encounter with him and be changed forever. I went into worship ready to receive, ready to just meet God. I want to begin with the basics, that is a thing I took from last sunday. It is kinda like introductions. I want to begin with getting to know God, and getting to know myself in him (like what the bible says about me being precious to him, had a plan for me before I was born, etc). Tonight was another baby step in the direction that I want to go. I want to be in some type of ministry, I want to follow God and do whatever his plan is for my life. The issue that God put his finger on tonight was the fact that I am ashamed of Him, which is very basic, like I said, introductions, the beginnings of following him. How can I tell people about God, if I am ashamed of him? Duh, this does not work. This is a very real thing for me. I know that I am not unique when I say that I love God on the inside, but have trouble expressing it on the outside, or anywhere people can see it. I have always had issues with showing my faith around family members. I have always been afraid to speak my opinion only to have 15 heads turn around and laugh at me, or whatever. It is not even directly that they hurt me. It is the jokes that they make. Do not get me wrong, I love my family so much, but the jokes said about Christianity can really hurt sometimes. I realize many of them have been hurt in the past by our church, but the healing needs to begin. It is not even jokes either, its just opinions as well. Many cannot forgive the things the church has done in the past. Many feel that everyone are hypocrites, saying to love their neighbour, yet hate homosexuals. I love that my family is pro many things: the environment, human rights, animal rights, and so on. I love that some of my family members have found God in some way or another, and that faith is a part of their lives. It is just the ones who are completely anti-faith that really sadden me. I believe the bitter ones are those that need the most love and healing with their relationship with God. I know those that say all those things will one day break over everything that they have ever said or done against God. I remember when that happened to me. I have also been ashamed of God in my friendships. I want to be more real with my friends, I am always the joker, the funny one, and I love that role, but I have deep convictions that have come up, but I believe I could share more often. I have even been ashamed of God in my school, during assemblies. We do like 3 worship songs and I wouldn't even close my eyes, let alone raise my hands. I have even been ashamed of God here, at YWAM, surrounded by people who I think are here to get closer to God. We are all at different stages in our walk, but I shouldn't be afraid to be myself. I have my roommate who hates worship music, and I would be afraid to turn it on, or would turn it down once she entered the room. For the past 2 nights I have wanted to do a devotions are night, but my roommates would come in and play a comedian clip from their laptop, and I wouldn't ask them to turn it off for a few more minutes. I would try to read for a few minutes, give up, and put it down. This is the issue God has shown to me. All the songs we sung in worship hit the issue in one way or another. The song that began it all went: “I am not ashamed, I will lift my voice, I am not ashamed.” Another song was wrap me in your arms Lord, my new favourite worship song. The lyrics are at the beginning of this journal entry. My prayer became, wrap my in your arms Lord, so that I may be changed, help me not to be ashamed of you, and give me a voice.